Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Who’s ready for some creatively bankrupt Indiana Jones? No one? Well someone has to suffer with me!
Well we knew this would happen at one point or another, but it doesn’t make it any easier to get through. Let’s just get right to it and not waste any time. Despite the fact that the public and critics considered the first three Indiana Jones films to be a perfect trilogy that need not be added onto, 19 years later Lucas and Spielberg thought it was necessary to give us Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Suck, I mean Skull. Nobody knew they wanted it at the time and as it turns out: yes, they didn’t want it. To this day the film boasts a 77% fresh critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but audiences are still heavily torn on it even with how much people seem to universally loathe it outside of online movie-rating sites. With the return of characters, plot threads, and action scenes we’ve all seen several times before in this franchise, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull almost seems proud to regurgitate all these things while also offering absolutely nothing original. You could practically do a complete listicle on how many moments in this movie were just straight-up lifted from past films in the series it’s so uninspired.
Say what you will about Temple of Doom, it at least took risks and gave us something worthy of holding the Indiana Jones name, this turns out to be just a bland action-adventure movie of the week. I’m practically bored just thinking about it, but let’s see if tearing into this movie detail by detail can result in more entertainment than what’s contained in the film’s entire runtime. Surely something of value has to come out of this hunk of junk and I understand that might be a bit too optimistic considering the circumstances but just let me have this okay!
Grab your fedoras and hitch a ride on the back of Shia LaBeouf’s motorcycle whether you want to or not because this is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
So remember how in each of the previous Indiana Jones movies the Paramount logo faded into a shot of a mountain even if it was a mountain engraved on a gong? This movie opens with the Paramount logo fading into a shot of a gopher mound. I immediately hate this movie. A new record! The point of fading into a shot of a mountain was to get the audience excited for the sense of adventure the movie was about to offer them (even if Temple of Doom immediately threw that out for a song and dance number), but what am I supposed to do with this?! The gopher isn’t a main character (big duh on that one) and there’s ultimately no point in showing this scene since it doesn’t have any of the other characters we know in it. Sure the intros in the other movies tended to not have a connection to the main story of the films, but they at least included characters that were major players in them. Here we have a car driven by snot-nosed teens who immediately run over the mound. They’re blasting one of Elvis Presley’s greatest hits, ‘Hound Dog’, and challenging the military vehicle next to them to a race. As young idiots do. There’s a lot to hate about this intro which, much like I said in the Temple of Doom review, does not in any way match the spirit of Indiana Jones. In fact, I could probably make this entire review about how this intro is trash, but I’ll try to keep it concise.
For some reason, when the driver of the military vehicle next to these kids takes them up on their offer for a race he doesn’t get reprimanded and the officers don’t threaten the kids either for interfering in military business. Eventually they leave each other behind and we discover these officers were driving into Area 51 of all places which makes you question how the hell those kids were even able to get that close to Area 51 in the first place considering the fact that it’s Area 51. As it turns out though, those officers are actually Russian infiltrators who quite easily make it past Area 51’s defenses and we see that they’re keeping a guy named Mac (played by Ray Winstone) and the man himself Indiana Jones (played by a half-awake Harrison Ford) in two separate car trunks. This movie conveniently also takes place 19 years after the events of the previous movie in 1957, and I think now is as good a time as any to talk about Harrison Ford’s acting in this. Of course we’ve seen him pull off the suave, rugged, misunderstood action hero before even within this same franchise, but here he just seems…off. Especially watching this movie immediately after Last Crusade, it’s hard to believe that this is the same guy in both movies. In every scene he’s in it’s like he’s a goofy dad trying to do an impression of Indiana Jones as opposed to actually playing Indiana Jones. Maybe it’s his age or the fact that chronologically he’s been away from this character for nearly two decades, but he never feels quite like Indiana Jones, almost as if every direction he received in every scene was just “act cool”.
After Jack Sparrow-ing himself by crawling out of an embarrassing situation in the first few minutes of the movie, Indiana and the rest of the audience are introduced to this movie’s villain Irina Spalko (played by Cate Blanchett). Being a well-trained and skilled actress herself I don’t think Cate Blanchett was a bad choice for this role, but they just don’t write her or direct her in a way that’s interesting so she comes off as standard. Don’t get me wrong, some of the past Indiana Jones villains could be hokey or have their awkward moments, but they were not standard. Belloq as the shadowy reflection of our hero and trying to create a radio to God, Mola Ram and his desire to destroy all of the other religions leaving only the Thuggee, Donovan and his insatiable hunger for notoriety and rare antiquities to show off at his country club, and Spalko just wants to…know things. Yeah, that’s her entire character motivation: she wants to know things. They try to give her the slightest bit of development by explaining in a later scene that she was part of a Russian psychic science initiative, but it never plays any part in the movie outside of giving us an awkward moment of her trying to read Indy’s mind which doesn’t work (and is also incredibly stupid) and that’s it. In the end she has about as much staying power as Ford from the Godzilla remake in which she’s so memorable you forgot she even had a name.
She’s trying to find a box in Area 51, which for some reason is home to the same warehouse they put the Ark in at the end of Raiders, and this box’s contents are a complete mystery except to Indiana Jones. Less talking and more doing Indy, go find that box. As it turns out, the box she’s looking for has something in it that is so incredibly magnetic it’s able to attract gunpowder and shotgun shells from across the warehouse which is around the size of at least one football field. Why it doesn’t attract everything else magnetic in the warehouse such as the ceiling lamp parts, the guns the soldiers are holding, the crowbars they use to open the box, Spalko’s rapier, the armored trucks’ metal chassis, any metal glasses frames the soldiers may have on them, and several other magnetic objects that are likely being held in the warehouse including the Ark of the Covenant itself is anybody’s guess. Regardless, they find it, open the box with the crowbars I mentioned, only now do the crowbars get magnetized to the box after it’s already been opened, and Spalko takes it away. Before she can leave, Indiana Jones does his best Indiana Jones impression and fights one of the soldiers’ guns away from them and threatens to shoot Spalko. But uh-oh, it looks like Mac is a traitor! Oh good, I forgot I don’t care.
Essentially what they’re doing here is trying to create a sidekick that’s sort of a combo of Satipo from Raiders and Wu Han from Temple. Of course having Indy’s sidekick betray him is ripped directly from Satipo and Raiders (you could argue Elsa from Crusade as well), but they try to make it sound like they have this long, complicated history together. We never see it though, much like Wu Han in Temple, so why are we supposed to care about this? This doesn’t make me feel concerned for Indy’s well-being or the conflict between these characters, all it does is make me feel annoyed that I could’ve chosen to watch one of those movies instead of this. Indy escapes, of course because of the whole Indiana Jones thing, but briefly on his way out we get treated to a shot of a broken box revealing the Ark of the Covenant inside. This offers no narrative purpose other than reminding you that Raiders existed.
I hope you’re looking forward to where this doesn’t go.
After this bit of action we’re treated to most people’s biggest issue with this movie. While Indy escapes from the Russians, he makes his way to a small town where it appears that everyone is more wooden and fake than the rest of the actors in this movie. Or that might just be because they’re mannequins. Yeah, as it turns out, Indy found his way into a nuclear testing site and a bomb is about to go off very soon. First he tries to make it out by hitching a ride in one of the Russian’s cars which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Weren’t you trying to get away from them anyway, why would they help you in this situation? With nowhere else to turn, he’s forced to hop into a fridge to save himself. Which works. What makes it even worse is that Indy makes it out without a single scratch on him despite being thrown miles from his starting point and he bypasses the same car he tried to escape in earlier while they get fried in the blast. Okay, so there’s elevated logic for the purposes of giving us an unforgettable adventure and there’s Wile E. Coyote cartoon. This is a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.
At least after this bit of ridiculousness we’re treated to charming and likable characters that will last us throughout the rest of the mo- No we’re not. Much like with Mac earlier we’re introduced to these people in a bunker that Indy has supposedly known for years but they have absolutely no on-screen chemistry together so they leave no impact on us. It only makes it better when we cut back to Barnett College where Dr. Jones is teaching his class again (because this movie wants to remind you how good Raiders and Crusade were) where he once again gets interrupted by faux Marcus Brody: Charlie (played by Jim Broadbent). This movie’s favorite pastime is to introduce characters that have no bearing on the story and leave no impact on you whatsoever. I give the movie some credit because they couldn’t bring back Denholm Elliott to play Marcus in this role since he had actually passed 3 years after the release of Crusade from tuberculosis, but they don’t really treat his passing that honorably because they essentially replace his character without a second thought and with someone who’s about as bland as everyone else in this movie.
Charlie tells Indy that since the FBI is looking for him after the incident with the Russians, he has no choice but to give him an indefinite leave of absence until the matter is resolved. On his way out of college town, a young man interrupts him while his train is leaving the platform. This man is named Mutt (played by Shia LaBeouf) and he’s so cool that he rides a motorcycle, has more hair gel than every boy band member, carries a switchblade, and is decked out in leather. It’s not so hard for me to say that I instantly don’t believe that this kid is from 1957. Every time he’s on-screen I’m not so much prepared to see how he adapts to the world he’s about to be thrust into as opposed to prepared for him to scream at me:
It’s him that reveals to Indy how his mentor/father figure Dr. Harold Oxley has been captured alongside his mom on the quest to find the city of Akator also known as El Dorado. I don’t know, to me it just feels weird having Indiana Jones being thrust into a position like this as opposed to actively seeking it out like in the other movies. It feels less archeological and more mercenary like. They share some shoddy character development until they’re interrupted by a gang of Russians trying to steal Indiana for his expertise again, but Mutt punches a random guy in the face allowing them to escape kicking off another chase scene in a Jones film, but this one feels particularly off for one main reason: there isn’t as much of a sense of danger like in the other chase scenes. All of the previous chase scenes in the previous movies felt tense because they took place in areas where Indy was outnumbered and at a loss for support. Here it takes place in Indy’s college town which massively dilutes the tension and sense of urgency since it’s a place he’s familiar with and a place he could easily find backup in. That and they come across one of Indy’s students who he tells to “Get out of the library” which goes against what was mentioned in Crusade where Indy mentioned in his class that 70% of archeology is done in the library. Not the main reason to hate this scene, but it definitely doesn’t help.
In the end they make it to a safe place where Dr. Jones decodes the letter that Mutt gave him from Oxley saying that the pathway to Akator starts in Nazca, Peru. They fly their way there but the movie pauses briefly in the middle of their flight to highlight how Indiana Jones fell asleep on the plane. Why did you show that? Even in Temple when they paused the transition from Shanghai to Delhi they showed it was because there was something important to the story that took place, falling asleep is not exactly pertinent for the audience to know! Once they’re there though, they pick up the trail from where Oxley left off and partake in more dialogue that makes me question even more why the filmmakers thought this was a necessary follow-up to make. Mutt reveals how he left school several times and Indy questions him on his life goals which no one cares about. It will come back into the movie later in a weak twist that no one asked for, but we’ll get to that when we get to that. That and once they do pick up Oxley’s trail, it isn’t really that fun.
Everything the characters are discussing at these points are verbal dotted lines on a treasure map which I might be able to forgive if the actors were more invested in what they were saying like in the previous movies, but here it sounds boring and it feels boring. Back in the first three movies the characters talk about the things that they’re looking for with awe, excitement, delight, and wonder. It helps to build up these artifacts as something truly special and worth searching for, but that’s not here. The only reason the characters are searching for this thing is to save characters we don’t even know and it’s not even fully clear what they’re searching for. Are they trying to find the city of El Dorado or this crystal skull they mentioned in only once so far? Since the focus is so unclear, why should anyone care about what’s happening?
Anyway they make it to some burial ground where they’re attacked by tribes people and Indy manages to defeat one of them by blowing a poison dart into the back of his throat. Because these tribes people thought they might be facing Indiana Jones so they decided to make their poison darts double-sided, jeez this movie is stupid! They carve their way deep into the burial site, Mutt gets stung by a scorpion and doesn’t die which makes the audience cry, and they finally discover the majorly built-up crystal skull which continues to make every scientist watching this movie fuming with rage with how inconsistently magnetic it is. After taking it out of the burial site they’re cornered by the Russians and Mac who capture them and somehow managed to find their location despite not having any way of following them without any clues from Dr. Oxley. Let’s be real though, if it’s making this movie go faster I’ll take it, and they’re taken to the Russians’ campsite.
The skull is of course stolen from Indy and Mutt and they try to give Mac a bit more of a motivation here, but it’s just every 90’s Disney villain motivation: money. In fact, much like Elsa in the previous film, Mac’s character really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense here and often goes back and forth between good and evil on a whim, but unlike Elsa in the previous film Mac leaves way less of an impression than she did and offers an emotionless performance making us care about him even less. We also find out what the skull is: an alien skull! Isn’t that just what you wanted out of an Indiana Jones movie? Sci-fi? Was anyone thinking when they wrote this?! We liked the previous Indiana Jones films because they dealt with legendary and religious artifacts that were grounded in folklore and ancient history, not alien invasions!
Despite my complaints, the movie continues and Spalko tries to manipulate Indy with the skull which also ends up going nowhere and we finally are introduced to Dr. Harold Oxley in person (played by John Hurt). I’m just gonna say what everyone’s thinking too: John Hurt has a tendency to be the kiss of death for modern cinema. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great actor and I’ve loved him in other movies back in the 70’s and 80’s, but for some reason if anyone casts him in a movie from the year 2000 onward, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be crap. Oxley is under some kind of skull hypnosis or whatever and isn’t thinking clearly, but don’t worry, Marion Ravenwood is also here (played again by Karen Allen)!
Just like Harrison Ford, Karen Allen doesn’t seem to know how to play her old character from 27 years prior, because she’s just as awkward as everyone else yet they still try to make her a badass. The only reason we’re still able to recognize her as Marion is because of John Williams’ score which plays her theme from Raiders whenever she’s on screen. Considering that, this is also as good a time as any to mention the music in this movie. Usually even if John Williams scores a terrible movie I can still hold on to the only good aspect in it which was his amazing orchestrations. In this movie though, it sounds like complete autopilot. While there are original songs conducted for this movie, all of them sound like generic action music that any other composer could’ve written outside of when the movie wants to remind you of which characters are on screen like with Indy, Marion, and Henry Jones’s brief cameo. Outside of that, none of them are anything I’d be itching to put on my Spotify playlist.
With Marion revealed and Indiana as horny as he usually is for any woman he’s ever met in these movies, he decides to help the Russians to find Akator as quickly as possible and decipher Ox’s cryptic messages. In the process though, Mutt decides now is a great time to mount an escape which ultimately goes nowhere since they’re recaptured less than 5 minutes later. Why was that even in the movie? Then we have a Twister-esque argument between Indy and Marion since it was revealed that Mutt is actually Indy’s son and Indy tries to insert himself into Marion’s parenting of Mutt. It seems like the movie is trying to play this for laughs, but much like in Twister, it’s just annoying as hell and drags the movie out which is the last thing I want in this movie. Their argument eventually culminates in the beginning of another chase sequence much like what happened after Henry was introduced in the last movie, and of course they capture the crystal skull for themselves again along with Oxley. Not before a completely unbelievable sequence of Mutt getting separated from the group and rejoining them by meeting up with a bunch of monkeys and swinging on vines as if his real parents were Kala and Kerchak. Oh, and also the side antagonist dies. Since Spalko is so standard and forgettable in this, I bet you can imagine how much of an impact this guy left. I don’t even know what his name was and I don’t care to look. I guess his death is kinda cool though. Maybe even cooler than Spalko’s eventual death, but we’ll get to that.
Goodbye ‘Whatever your name was’
Mac rejoins our heroes (Does it really matter?) and they find the entrance to Akator. He’s secretly dropping trackers though because he’s still not entirely on their side, but they make their way in by beating the crap out of ancient artifacts. Remember when the slightest movement in an ancient temple could result in death? Now just go ham on it like it’s a Street Fighter bonus level. The circle of alien skeletons awaits them there but Mac betrays them again and Spalko walks in with her team of Russians. After taking the skull from Oxley she reattaches it to the one skeleton missing its head and they spring to life. It was explained earlier (poorly) that after the circle is completed it’ll grant one wish, and Spalko wishes to know everything. Again, solid motivation for a Jones villain. Upon activating the alien circle the city starts to fall apart around them so Jones and his compatriots escape, except for Mac who the movie gives a weird exit to. He ends up dying, but before being crushed by the disintegrating city they try to give him a sort of emotional moment with Indy which falls flat because we have no idea what his character is supposed to be and in the end nobody cares. Spalko on the other hand is practicing her early 2000’s CG effects.
Okay, so we’ve had iconic death scenes in the past ranging from face meltings, to explosions, to aging, what’re you gonna do this time?
Umm, did she just turn into a fart?
How epic…
On their way out we’re treated to even more mind-blowing effects of a UFO rising from the ashes of the city. It’s about as stupid as it sounds, but that’s pretty much this whole movie in a nutshell. Apparently this also clears up whatever was going on with Oxley because he’s now back to normal (I know it was eating you up inside if he would return to normal) and he says that the UFO didn’t make its way to space, but to the “Space Between Spaces”. Honestly, I’d be surprised if the movie didn’t describe it like that, but the only thing I can think of whenever I hear that is just the space between your couch cushions which should not be the big takeaway from your Indiana Jones movie. Anyway, they make it back home, Marion and Indiana get married because they’ve proven in the past hour that they’re totally going to be a great couple, and we wrap up what’s, in my opinion, the worst Indiana Jones movie ever made.
Much like what I said in my Temple of Doom review, that movie wasn’t good, but it at least stood out amongst the other Indiana Jones films and had it’s own sense of creative passion. This movie has no passion in it at all. It plays it completely safe by just rehashing everything the previous films did, offering nothing creatively stimulating or intriguing, and is just a boring soulless mess. That’s also why I feel comfortable calling it the worst Indiana Jones movie ever made, because while the previous movies had some parts that didn’t make sense, awkward character moments, or over-the-top action, they still had a unique identity and style that made people enjoy them. This movie has no identity, and unlike Temple of Doom, deserves no place in the Indiana Jones lineup. I almost feel uncomfortable even calling it an Indiana Jones movie, because it doesn’t deserve that title.
I suppose if you never really got that invested in any of the previous movies this one would just seem like ‘par for the course’ to you which is also how I assume this movie managed to get a 77% critical score on Rotten Tomatoes, purely from the perspective of a mindless action/adventure movie. I’m sure if you’re a fan of those kinds of movies and don’t tend to analyze character, story, or the size and scale of the journey you’re watching you could enjoy the film fine, but for mine and Indiana Jones fans’ money, this is an ancient artifact that deserves to stay buried in the ground until the end of time.
And for this reason, I feel compelled to give this movie my lowest rating of any other film: 0.5/5 gophers. While occasionally the size of the shots and cinematography can be pretty, there’s absolutely nothing else to appreciate in this film.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
You have chosen wisely by joining me for my review of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Here, Indy and his father embark on a quest to find the Holy Grail. My soul is prepared, how’s yours?
While my opinions on the last film were mixed at best, it did still make a lot of money at the time of its release which prompted Spielberg, Lucas, and the Indy crew to churn out one more movie that was originally supposed to bring the Indy films to a close. Pulling out all the stops and giving us a follow-up in keeping with the tone of the original film, The Last Crusade is a much more widely praised sequel as opposed to its predecessor and considering how long it’s been since the first time I’ve seen it, I really had a fun time watching it again. To be straight up, I honestly didn’t remember much from the movie before rewatching it for the sake of this review, but once I rewatched it I was surprised how I had such a hard time remembering these moments.
Much like Raiders, this movie deals in not a whole lot of logical moments, but at least fun ones that Indiana Jones has become known for and they are very memorable. I think the main reason I had a hard time remembering them before was also because I watch movies much differently now then I did when I first saw this movie. Mostly because I have this whole review blog that you’re reading right now. There are legit interesting characters that play their parts well, creative camera work and stunt choreography, and it all amounts to an adventure that fits perfectly into the Indiana Jones canon. Despite how much crap I gave it in the last review, I think Temple of Doom did earn its place amongst the rest of the Indiana Jones films, though The Last Crusade definitely fits much more comfortably in the Indiana Jones lineup then Temple of Doom. Although, even with the familiar tone, humor, and pizazz of Raiders, does The Last Crusade still hold up after all these years? Well, there’s only one way to find out.
Find your dad, give him a big hug, and prepare for this holy grand adventure with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!
As I said in the intro, this movie is much more in the mold of the first film, Raiders of the Lost Ark, then the second film, Temple of Doom. It begins, similar to Raiders, with an intro having no real bearing on the story where we see Indiana (played in this flashback by River Phoenix) in his first ever adventure as a child: trying to recover the Cross of Coronado from what he believes to be looters in the year 1912. It has energy, intrigue, and action even if we don’t have to worry about him potentially dying. We see a lot of things that explain the character that he’s become from the fact he used to be a boy scout where he presumably learned about self-defense, survival, and other techniques we see him utilize throughout the films while also explaining his sense of justice and morality. Towards the end of the intro we’re introduced to his relationship with his father (played in this flashback by Alex Hyde-White) which shows how he may also feel inclined to do dangerous things and acquire highly sought after relics for the purpose of getting his father’s attention which he never receives since his father is too preoccupied with his hobby of chronicling the path to finding the Holy Grail. These and several other little details are made aware to us in this opening which once again also serves as a pretty solid short film on its own as well.
Another detail that’s brought up in this opening is also the origin of Indiana’s snake phobia, which is honestly the one detail that I’m not so sure adds up. It’s shown how when Indy is trying to escape from the supposed looters, he ends up on a circus train and travels through several different animal cars. In the reptile section he ends up falling into a box full of snakes and getting covered in them by accident which is the catalyst for his future snake phobia. While I’m in no way saying that this would be a pleasant experience, I’m just not sure that this moment on its own would be enough to create a lifelong snake phobia. Personally I think it would be much funnier if it’s never explained why Indy has a fear of snakes. They could still show in this intro how when Indy is explaining to his boy scout friend Herman (played by J. J. Hardy) what should be done about the looters Indy throws a snake to the side without a second thought indicating that his phobia was created at some point throughout his adventures, but then never show what caused it. Instead they could have in a movie like Kingdom of the Crystal Skull one of the characters ask him at some point why he hates snakes so much and he responds something to the effect of “I don’t want to talk about it” making it kinda creepy and kinda funny at the same time. Either way, this opening is still pretty solid and fun much like the Raiders intro as well. Maybe not of the same caliber as that one, but still pretty good.
After the flashback, we flash forward to the year 1938 where Indiana (played a third time by Harrison Ford) is once again attempting to get the Cross of Coronado, since he couldn’t get it in the flashback, from its owner only credited as ‘Panama Hat’ (played by Paul Maxwell). At this point Indiana Jones is officially Indiana Jones so he’s able to get it fairly easily and Panama Hat along with his crew are killed when his ship blows up on the water in the middle of a storm. Surprisingly it wasn’t Indiana who killed them, this time it was a complete accident. This never comes back into play later in the movie, but at least we can be proud of how much Indy has grown up. Back at Dr. Jones’ University, we see how after getting the Cross he’s actually been shirking his responsibilities as a professor lately since his students are all clamoring to get some answers from him about papers, tests, and grades. Seems like his night life has overtaken his day job in recent years, because while he manages to escape his students (with his trusty fedora of course) he’s quickly flagged down by some unknown people in a car who take him to a pretty swanky house.
This house happens to be the property of a certain Walter Donovan (played by Julian Glover) who brought him here to take a look at a recent discovery he’s made. Even before we know Donovan is going to be the villain of this movie, we can see just how obsessed he is with antiquities in his intro and how he sees them less like an important part of history that needs to be preserved and more like a high-end baseball card collection. He’s an overzealous rich snob who just wants to be the one to say he has this or that object in his collection and nothing else, even going so far as to partner with the worst of humanity in order to acquire them. Here we see that Donovan has found a broken piece of a tablet that’s the first of two markers that lays out the location of the Holy Grail and he also tells Indy that he’s already gotten a hold of his father to aid him in the search, but he’s disappeared. One of this movie’s strengths is getting the audience to care about this character quickly, mostly due to Indy’s reaction to hearing his father is missing. We never see his face, but in a low-angle shot we see him grip his fedora a little tighter upon hearing the news. We’ve only seen Indy’s dad once for less than a minute so far in this movie, he was a total jerk to his son, and yet I still am just as worried about him as Indy is.
Indiana decides to check on his father at home, but only finds his house completely ransacked with today’s mail opened. That’s when he remembers that earlier, back at his University, he received a package from Venice, Italy which was the last known location of his father as Donovan described. Which also makes me wonder why he thought he’d be at home. Kinda weird. One of the things I have a bit of a problem with in the beginning of this movie is that it can be a bit hard to follow why characters do what they do. Later it’s assumed that Donovan and his Nazi sleeping buddies captured Indy’s dad for the sake of luring Indy out, but why would they want to get in contact with Indy in the first place? Did they forget that Indiana Jones is Indiana Jones and he’d probably be able to take them down in a 2 hour running time or less? I suppose you could infer that Donovan and the Nazis think there’s no way Indiana Jones would be able to take them down despite the fact he did exactly that 2 years prior (movie-verse time) when they tried to steal the Ark of the Covenant, being the snobby overconfident types that they are. To me it still seems like a major lapse in logic though.
Either way, part of that is to be expected in these movies at this point, because much like I mentioned in my two previous reviews, the logic in these movies is waved for the purposes of giving us an unforgettable, heart-pounding adventure. I give leeway for the moments that enhance the fun of the movies and are cool/entertaining, and do not give leeway for the moments that aren’t fun and are dumb/annoying. If you manage to look past these details, I’d say the movie is still pretty fun, so let’s get to the rest of it. So, in the package was Daddy Jones’ Grail Diary, a collection of all the bits of info on the Grail he’s collected over the course of 40 years which prompts Indy to take Donovan up on his offer of getting 2 tickets to Venice to pick up where Daddy left off and find out where he went. Along with Marcus Brody (played again by Denholm Elliott), Indiana finds Professor Jones’ partner Dr. Elsa Schneider (played by Allison Doody) who immediately raises…suspicions. One of the first things out of her mouth is how Indiana has his father’s eyes. Wouldn’t you tell that to someone you just met?
She leads Indy and Brody back to the library where Professor Jones was last seen and find out that he discovered before going missing that there was a tomb in the library, since the library used to be a church, and the second marker is buried in it along with one of the knights of the First Crusade. Through some clever puzzle solving, they find its location and break into it. This raises no suspicions from the librarian because he’s comedically stamping books at the same time they’re smashing the tiled floor. When I first saw this I also thought it was a bit of a stretch, but Elsa actually explains before entering the library that the library is closing soon and that she’s arranged for the staff to allow them to stay longer after. Still kind of a stretch that the librarian wouldn’t just look up to see them smashing the floor in, but I suppose it’s kinda funny. Elsa and Indy drop themselves into the tomb and make their way past rats, a petroleum river, and in-universe movie references to Sir Richard’s tomb where they find the second marker. Another way to see how Elsa isn’t normal is that after being lowered into a pit full of skulls and bones, she just smiles. That’s not strange at all.
However, another group of people follow Elsa and Indiana and set fire to the petroleum river to try to kill them. They of course escape which kicks off a classic Indiana Jones chase sequence which is different for taking place in the rivers of Venice on boats instead of cars like normal. See, it’s not the same thing if it’s on the water. I shouldn’t be too hard on it though, because that’s literally what these movies are known for are its chase sequences. Eventually, Indiana catches the lead assassin and tries to get him to say where his father is, but the assassin seems completely comfortable with dying. As a result, Indiana spares the assassin who divulges that his name is Kazim (played by Kevork Malikyan) and he’s a member of a secret organization called the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword which has sworn for years to keep the Holy Grail safe from plunderers. They seem to be doing a bang-up job at it too. If I’m being honest, Kazim and the Brotherhood doesn’t end up doing that much by the end of the movie besides building up the Grail as the truly powerful relic that it is in which no one person can really be trusted to look after it, but unlike most other groups in movies like this that have one job and can’t freaking do it, Kazim’s group at least tries their best, and in their defense, nobody else has ever come this far in the quest for the Grail.
Since Elsa and Indy spared his life, he lets them know Indy’s dad is being kept in the Castle Brunwald in Salzburg, Austria. Before they go, Indy and Brody discover where to begin there quest for the Grail with the information they got from the second marker, Indy discovers his and Elsa’s room ransacked as well, and he and Elsa have a quick nookie session. Elsa is just another one of Indy’s hos-on-the-go so she doesn’t offer a whole lot throughout the movie. She does have a pretty big secret that’s revealed later, but we’ll get into that when we get into that. In Austria, she and Indy break through the castle’s butler security through a comedy routine you either like or don’t like, and sneak through to find where Indy’s dad is being kept. Let it be known though that someone got paid to have Indiana Jones say the line “Nazis, I hate these guys” like a sitcom character with a catch-phrase. After that bit of awkwardness, Indy breaks into his father’s room where he’s promptly hit over the head with a vase by said father. One thing I can say is that everything you need to know about Henry Jones (played by the late great Sean Connery) is shown in this scene:
Addressing his son not in a way that shows concern for his well-being or surprise that he’s just crashed through his window, but more irritation that he’s here when he isn’t supposed to be. This is essentially his whole character: gruff, stern, and hardened. He’s not the kind of father you’d expect a lot of sympathy from or the kind that would be interested in what his son does with his life, it would certainly take a quest for a biblical relic and nearly dying to make him see things differently. Before I move on, I’d also just like to point out the relationship between Indiana and Henry is instantly believable. It’s obvious Ford and Connery worked hard to get their relationship down, because whenever you see them interact with each other you really feel like these two are estranged father and son. Funny enough though, crashing through a window makes a lot of noise, so they’re quickly discovered by Nazis, and it seems like Indiana and Henry are doing pretty well at first with Indiana mowing down a few of them and startling his father in the process, until they come across our side antagonist Colonel Vogel (played by Michael Byrne) who’s taken Elsa hostage. You totally forgot she was here didn’t you? I did.
Vogel says if Indy doesn’t put down his gun he’ll shoot her, but Henry says Elsa is a Nazi. Indy doesn’t listen to his father and relinquishes the gun only to have Elsa backstab him because, as it turns out, Henry was right: she is a Nazi. The part she essentially ends up playing in the movie from here on is making Indy more cautious about who he has sex with and it’s sort of hinted at that she was forced into being a Nazi since she has a few moments later in the movie where she seems to have sympathy for Indy, experiences regret for her actions, and actively screws Donovan and the Nazis over, but we don’t really know much about her outside of that. She’s a bit of a wildcard and difficult to pin down, so I could never get that invested in her character. Either way, it’s because of her deception that Indy and Henry get captured and it’s officially revealed that Donovan is working with the Nazis to recover the Holy Grail.
They steal the Grail Diary but the map pages are missing because Indy ripped them out and gave them to Marcus. Marcus then called for Sallah (played again by John Rhys-Davies) who met him in the city of Iskenderun which sits upon the ruins of the city of Alexandretta which was revealed earlier to be the starting place for following the map to the Grail. Indy boasts that Marcus is a skilled man who will be able to disappear into any crowd and could find the Grail on his own to throw his enemies off guard, but as it turns out, Marcus is kind of a dork with no real skills in any of those fields. By the time Sallah meets Marcus in Iskenderun, he’s quickly discovered by their enemies and captured in quite possibly the most creatively ridiculous way anyone has ever been captured in these movies. Sallah tells Marcus to hide in a nearby shop and escape through the back door, but the shop isn’t actually a shop. It’s actually an armored truck disguised as a shop and once Marcus is inside, the door is closed on him and he’s driven away. Don’t feel too bad Sallah, if anything it was a little funny.
Meanwhile, back with Indy and Henry, they’re left in Austria tied to a chair with no supervision allowing them to escape by setting the castle on fire and driving away in a motorcycle resulting in another fun chase scene ending with an argument between Indy and Henry. Indy wants to go to Iskenderun to get Marcus, but Henry wants to go to Berlin to get his diary back. It’s only now that Henry says there’s some important info in the diary he forgot about and they need it to be prepared for the final Grail challenges, so Indy reluctantly decides to go there. Once in Berlin, we’re treated to the lovely sight of a book burning and Indy forcefully takes the diary back from Elsa. On their way back out, Indy is lucky enough to get an autograph from the last person anyone would ever want an autograph from.
He and his father then take the first zeppelin out of Germany and disconnect the aircraft’s radio to prevent anyone from calling back to Berlin reporting fugitives on board. The German pilots recognize this fairly quickly though forcing Indy and Henry to escape on a convenient bi-plane attached to the zeppelin where they’re chased yet again, this time by fighter pilots. I like how with Henry’s character they also address how what Indiana does for a living is pretty messed up, because to him, and us the audience, we’re pretty used to seeing him kill people left and right all the time, but with Henry along for the ride, he acknowledges how all this is of course a new experience for him. I’m also left to think that if I saw stuff like this in real life, I’d be pretty freaked out too, just like Henry. We briefly flash to the Republic of Hatay where we see Donovan and his lackeys bribe the Sultan (played by Alexei Sayle) into giving them troops and other forms of support including a mother-flipping tank. I was only just made aware of this state’s existence and I had no idea they had freaking tanks at their disposal!
This also comes as a surprise to our good guys after they meet up with Sallah in a jump-cut and catch up with Donovan’s crew to try to rescue Brody. Here not only are we once again shown a pretty fun action sequence (only after writing that did I notice just how many of these are in this movie and series as a whole) with Indy trying to take on a tank by himself and even Henry comes into his own a bit and manages to take out a couple Nazis himself. One he even defeats through a method that would make Jack Nicholson’s Joker proud.
After a long, drawn-out sequence building to the inevitable comeuppance of our side-antagonist Colonel Vogel by him getting thrown over a cliff while still in the tank, we also see another Indiana Jones death fake-out. This one stands out to me however when compared to other Jones death fake-outs, because it focuses less on trying to trick you into thinking he’s dead (because by this point nobody’s buying that) but rather it focuses on Henry’s reaction to thinking his son is dead. In this moment we see a different side of him where he regrets not being a better father to him and not telling him what he’s always wanted to tell him. We never find out what he wanted to tell him, but even never knowing that information, this scene still works pretty well in showing how Henry likely puts on a facade for the sake of his son (most likely to prove to him that he’s strong) and never loved him in the way he should have. Part of what makes this scene work so well is also Sean Connery’s acting pedigree, because his delivery makes me want to tear up every time.
Eventually it’s revealed he isn’t dead (duh) in a pretty comedic way I might add, and they finally make their way to the end of the movie in the Grail Temple. Donovan’s crew is already there but they’re failing pretty miserably at getting past the Temple’s first booby trap. It doesn’t take long for Indy’s gang to get spotted and Donovan decides he wants Indy to get the Holy Grail for him, so to properly motivate him he shoots his father. This guy is just a deliciously devilish douchebag. I like d-words right now. At this point the tension shoots through the roof, especially after that scene we just had not long ago where Henry showed us how many layers he was hiding beneath the surface, and it gets the audience to care for him all the more after we see that he might die. Since he’s mortally wounded, the only thing that can save him is the Big Man Upstairs and His magic cup, so best get goin’ Indy. He does just that and makes it past three trials which are all pretty cool except for maybe the first one that’s a bit less ‘holy’ and a bit more ‘Intro Temple from Raiders’, and makes it to the chamber of the Grail where he finds the last remaining Grail Knight (played by Robert Eddison) waiting.
At first the knight attacks Indy because that’s what’s supposed to happen, but we don’t have time for that right now, and the knight is kinda…out of shape anyway. He tries to pass his honor to Indiana since he ‘vanquished’ him, but right then is when Donovan and Elsa walk in and try to recover the Grail. Psych! The room is full of Grails! Which one is it? You must choose, and choose wisely now because the Holy Grail will grant you life everlasting, but the Wrong Grail will rip it away from you. No pressure, there’s only hundreds of them. Donovan starts AP-ing pretty hard (Analysis Paralysis to the uninitiated) so he asks Elsa to pick one which she does. He drinks from it and…prepare yourself. While we’ve gone through a lot of different character deaths in these movies already, this one is quite possibly the most horrifying Indiana Jones death ever put to film. It still creeps me out to this day even after I’ve seen it several times, and it’s definitely one of the biggest takeaways you’ll have from this movie.
How do I say this? Donovan basically ‘ages’ to death. That may not sound like much, but this is what it looks like:
‘Contains tobacco depictions’
What is it with Disney+ and tobacco depictions?
On the plus side, it’s immediately followed by this meme-able moment:
This also leads back to what I said about not being entirely sure what Elsa’s character was supposed to be, because remember she was the one who chose the Grail for Donovan to drink from, and she intentionally chose the wrong one for him. Why did she do that? It’s shown after Donovan shoots Henry that she’s remorseful for both him and Indy, but if I’m being honest it only makes me wish we got a chance to see more of her character in the first place. Not only that, but not long after recovering the Holy Grail we also see how Elsa still tries to take the Holy Grail for herself, so how are we supposed to know if this is in character or not? Anyway, back in the present Indy chooses wisely and saves his father as we all expected him to do, but like I said before, Elsa tries to take the Holy Grail beyond the Temple which the Grail Knight specifically told them not to do because staying in one place for all eternity is God’s ‘price of immortality’. By crossing the great seal on the floor with the Holy Grail, Elsa causes the Temple to collapse and she drops the Grail down a crevasse while Indy comes to her rescue.
Taking some of the issues I had before aside, this is probably one of my favorite scenes in the movie because we see Elsa hanging off the side of the same crevasse but since the Holy Grail is almost within reach she tears one of her hands away from Indy’s grip to try to grab it. Indy can’t hold her with only one hand, but Elsa never offers her other hand which results in Indy losing his grip and her falling to her death. After another tremor while the Temple collapses, Indy falls over the side of the crevasse as well and Henry grabs his arm to pull him back up. Much like Elsa before him though, Indy can almost reach the Grail so he’s too blinded by the potential of immortality to offer his other hand to his father. What snaps him back to reality though is his father calling him ‘Indiana’. Throughout the whole movie, Henry’s only called Indy ‘Junior’, so by suddenly calling him ‘Indiana’ he proves to Indy and the audience that what’s more important to him is not an ancient biblical artifact, but his son. Every time I see this I ‘Awwwww’ so hard and usually rewind it at least once to watch it again because it’s so friggin’ cute!
Indiana comes to his senses and takes his father’s hand, so they all can escape and live to tell this incredible story. Before we leave for real, we have a brief moment where Henry and Indy watch the Grail Knight salute them on their way out of the Temple and have a little discussion about what this experience has meant to them. Henry goes back to calling Indy ‘Junior’ again, but to me that only makes their relationship more believable. The one thing we’ve learned throughout this whole movie is that their relationship needs work, and in real life, one extreme moment like this isn’t enough on its own to create monumental change. If they want to repair this relationship, they’ll need to spend more time with each other and work it out in their own ways over a long period of time. We also find out that Henry calls Indy ‘Junior’ because his real name is Henry Jones Jr. He doesn’t just call him that because he’s his son, that’s literally his name: Junior. Apparently Indy got his chosen name from his favorite childhood pet which we saw momentarily in the Jones home in the flashback at the beginning of the film.
When all is said and done, our characters end up riding away from this crumbling temple on their horses and into the sunset. Of course ‘riding into the sunset’ is a cliche as old as time, but for me it’s really John Williams’ beautiful score that gets so much emotion out of these characters riding away as changed people. Not the Raider’s March which we’ve heard in every movie up until this point and has closed out every film, but rather the Grail theme that plays after it. With this music I really feel a sense of calm and contentment as if I was along for the ride with these characters for this wild adventure, because I kinda was, and we’re all going home together. Not only that, but it’s a great final shot to end on which closes out what’s probably my personal favorite Indiana Jones movie. Not by a whole lot when compared to the other good Indiana Jones movie, Raiders of the Lost Ark, but enough.
To me, this movie is doing what I thought Temple of Doom should’ve done. It takes the basic concept set up by the first movie and expands on it. Not only that but it keeps the energy high, the characters relatable with satisfying/believable arcs, and the tone that was set up by the first movie as well. If Raiders of the Lost Ark was the perfect introduction to this series, then this movie should’ve been the perfect ending to this series. Of course it ended up not being the end of the series as I’ll take a look at the worst of these films next week, but that’s next week and I want to enjoy as much of this series being good as I can! I suppose in the end I don’t have much else to say for this movie in particular other than if you’re still looking for a fun movie with memorable action, characters, and moments for your weekend movie night, look no further then Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Given how much fun I had with this movie, I feel like it’s earned itself a rating of 4.5/5 rosary beads. Since I did still have a few problems with the movie kinda like with Raiders I couldn’t give it full marks, but it is still a pretty solid film and it accomplishes its goal well.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
‘Kali Ma Shakti De!’ Come with me this week and have your sanity questioned as we take a closer look at Indiana Jones’ famous/infamous follow-up to the original classic: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!
Indiana Jones month continues with the second installment: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. After the massive success of the first film that was beloved by both critics and audiences upon release, this of course warranted a follow-up 3 years later with the same people who worked on the original (not so much cast as opposed to crew) returning to breathe new life into the emerging franchise they created. Since most people refer to this franchise in terms of the original trilogy much like the Star Wars franchise including Raiders, Temple, and Crusade, Temple of Doom is often considered the “black sheep” of the original three films. While the spirit of Indiana Jones is still present in the size and scale of the production and a few fun moments similar to the first film, this movie’s tone steers hard into dark and miserable themes which is vastly different from what was present in the original movie.
This wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing having an “odd one out” sort of film that experiments more with what can be done in this setup such as The Dark Knight did in the Nolan Batman trilogy, but does this movie do that? Short answer: no. I don’t think I’d go so far as to say this is a bad film, but there are certainly far too many annoying character moments, head-scratching decisions, and scenes that absolutely didn’t age well for me to call it a good film either. My feelings on this film, as I imagine many others’ feelings are as well, are very complicated considering how there are both things to like and things to dislike in this movie, even occasionally in the same scene. Well, to get a better idea of what I’m talking about, let’s just drop ourselves into that pit of lava and get it over with.
Cover your hearts and pray to Lord Siva for protection, this is Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!
So we open on a song and dance number brought to you by your headache for today: Willie Scott (played by Kate Capshaw). Isn’t this just how you imagined an Indiana Jones movie would begin? I mean I get it, the first movie’s intro was absolutely incredible and there’s no way we’re possibly going to top it so don’t even bother trying, but just like I said in the last review, the opening of a movie is also meant to prepare you for what you’re about to see. Also I’m not saying this is a bad intro, it’s just not an Indiana Jones intro. It doesn’t fit the spirit of the character and sure as heck doesn’t prepare you for the carnival of misery you’re in store for later on down the road, and no I’m not referring to the impeccable timing of Willie’s earsplitting screeches but that certainly does add to the misery. One other thing we see in this opening is that this movie isn’t just a sequel to the first film, but also a prequel (because George Lucas and prequels go so well together). While the first movie took place in the year 1936, this movie takes place in 1935. Why?
Nowhere in the first film were any of these characters mentioned which only further cements how little of an impact they have on the franchise, but if you are going to do a prequel to the original film, why not focus on some of the characters that were already set up in that film? You could’ve done a movie about how Indy and Belloq became rivals and how, if ever, Belloq was a respectable archeologist and what caused him to fall from grace. This movie could’ve explored how Jones became friends with Sallah or Marcus Brody and the various ways either of those two characters have influenced or assisted in Jones’ archeological pursuits in the past while further developing their characters. Show us sides of the characters we didn’t get to see and adventures that keep to the spirit of the original film and the character of Indiana Jones himself. On the subject of Indiana Jones though (played again by Harrison Ford), he’s probably the best part of this movie in my opinion.
What’s interesting with Indy being of course the only character that was in the previous film is how the filmmakers show just how much he’s changed over the years. The only real way to tell in this movie that it’s a prequel to the original is in Indiana Jones’ whole demeanor and attitude. In Raiders of the Lost Ark he was more of a good natured guy wanting to find lost relics for the purposes of preserving and studying them where in this film we see how he was more of a rogue intending to acquire antiquities for the sake of getting rich which is actually what he originally intends to do with the Sankara Stones when he hears about them being missing. He actually kinda goes through an arc in the movie which makes him more interesting to watch knowing what he’ll eventually become in the first film. In this movie however he’s basically an archeological mercenary, plundering ancient treasures at sky-high prices.
We also get to see how this plays out when he presents the remains of the Chinese emperor Nurhachi to his client Lao Che (played by Roy Chiao) and demands he be given what he’s owed before he stabs Willie. Despite the fact that would be the happy ending for the audience, Lao does give Indy his precious diamond in exchange for the remains, but Lao also reveals to him that what he’s been drinking was actually poisoned and Lao won’t give Indy the antidote unless he gives him back the diamond. We’re then briefly introduced to Jones’ sidekick Wu Han (played by David Yip) who immediately gets shot and killed which makes him a completely wasted character. With no backup in sight, Indiana takes matters into his own hands and starts a fight at the club (which is also called Club Obi-Wan, hehe) which makes this movie feel a bit more like Indiana Jones again.
The stunt work here is very reminiscent of action scenes like from the first film and can be pretty fun watching Indy and Willie scramble for the diamond and the antidote, use a giant rolling gong as a shield, and fall out of a window through multiple cloth awnings into the car of our next main character named Short Round (played by Ke Huy Quan in his first role). I’d imagine this is another character most people have complicated feelings for since he can have his annoying moments too, not nearly as many as Willie though, but I think what makes me like him more is Ke Huy Quan himself. He just has a natural charisma on screen that can’t be faked so I can’t be mad at him for too long even if he is yelling for no reason. It also says a lot about the writing in this movie that a child is consistently more useful than an adult woman. Either way, Short Round drives them past a random Dan Aykroyd cameo and towards a getaway plane which just so happens to also be owned by Lao Che’s Air Freight company.
So what do the pilots who work for Lao do? Do they murder their passengers in their sleep and dump the bodies out of the plane and into the mountainy wilderness where they’ll never be found? Nope, they wait until they’re asleep, dump out all the plane’s fuel, and jump out of the plane themselves giving Indiana Jones the opportunity to be Indiana Jones. Oh. Dumb. In this whole sequence of Indiana and co escaping the crashing plane there are far too many moments that very heavily challenge a viewer’s suspension of disbelief, significantly more so than in the first film. As I mentioned in that review as well, there are definitely moments in Raiders that are difficult to believe and unrealistic, but at least they look cool and add to the spectacle that cinema is supposed to provide. However, in this movie they just seem to throw out all manner of logic for the sake of having the heroes get an easy win because somehow our heroes survive two separate super high falls that were both enough to kill a car full of Nazis in the first movie but now only lightly jostle our main characters! Come on, really?!
People give Crystal Skull a lot of crap for its unbelievable nuke-a-fridge scene, but this gets a free pass?!
Anyway, they float along a river to an Indian village where the residents are starving and destitute because of an ancient evil that’s supposedly arisen anew from a nearby palace which came to this village, slaughtered innocent civilians, stole an ancient magical stone, and enslaved all the villager’s children. Indiana Jones everybody! Don’t get me wrong, the first movie also could reference darker themes (heck, just having Nazis in it is kinda dark on its own), but there was still an uplifting sense of adventure and fun to everything. Here we’re treated to the image of a child that escaped his enslavement malnourished, exhausted, and wheezing to give Indy some information he stole from his captors. That’s fun right, seeing adorable children suffering? I wouldn’t pay it much mind if this was just a one-off scene or something that was shown in passing, but the majority of the movie is like this from now on: just innocent people starving, dying, and wishing they were dead. Whee.
Not only that, but most of the comedy centers around our characters which, as I mentioned before, are divisive at best. That was another thing about the first film as well, is that if it ever did dip into a harsher tone it had clever comedy and fun characters to balance it out. Here we have Willie whining, Willie screaming, and Willie screaming. You will hate her more than Bella Swan by the end of this movie. Despite these setbacks they make it to the palace at Pankot where they’re introduced to the Prime Minister Chattar Lal (played by Roshan Seth) who invites them inside for dinner. Before we do that, we get some brilliant comedy of Willie wanting to make the moves on the Maharajah Zalim Singh (played by Raj Singh) only to realize that he’s a child causing Short Round to make a remark about how “maybe he likes older women”. Really movie, did you just make a pedophilia joke? Jeez, that’s nasty! At least that’ll be the nastiest thing in the movie…wait…
Spoke too soon…
I’m sure most of y’all are probably aware of this controversial scene in the movie where at dinner Willie and Short Round are served all manner of gross dishes including a dead mother snake with her live babies still inside her, what I’m pretty sure are peanut butter beetles, and chilled monkey brains as you can see here. Rightfully so this movie has received a lot of flak for this scene on account of its cultural insensitivity and also just how downright wrong it is. People of the Hindu faith have a very strict diet which would of course rule out any dishes such as the ones we see in the movie and if they were able to eat these kinds of foods they definitely wouldn’t be served in a palace, so this just seems like a cheap attempt at making a joke about culture shock especially considering that it’s obvious the filmmakers have never had Indian cuisine. Curry is one of the best things I’ve ever tasted! Put some respect on this food!
Interwoven with these scenes of nastiness is also a conversation between Indiana and Chattar Lal about the history of the Thuggee cult as described by the villagers and directly confronting the Prime Minister about the accusations made about the palace stealing their sacred rock. Of course Chattar and the Maharajah deny these claims and become offended with Indy as a result, so we end this scene on an uncomfortable note (I know what I said) and meet back up with the group later that night. During said time, Indy and Willie can’t decide if they want to have sex or not in another supposed to be humorous scene. Also, I never thought I’d say this but this is the first, and hopefully only, time I’ll ever ask John Williams to tone it down with the music. The whimsical ‘Will they/Won’t they’ have sex music is kinda much for this scene, and it also makes it less jarring when the Thuggee assassin comes out of the shadows to try to murder Indy. Again, could’ve waited until he went to sleep. He’s literally in your domain, how did you screw this up?!
We’re then treated to what’s possibly one of the most gruesome yet ridiculously hilarious deaths in any of these movies as the assassin is pulled by Indy’s whip into the ceiling fan and hanged. Again pretty unrealistic, I’m sure the fan probably would’ve fallen off the ceiling before pulling the weight of a full grown adult into it, but still an interesting image to say the least. This then prompts Indy to check Willie’s room to find a point of entry for the Thuggee which results in him finding a secret tunnel so he and Short Round investigate it together. Here they find a room full of bugs and a classic spike ceiling trap which means Willie has to save them. Joy. Of course they decide to do the whole ‘women and bugs’ joke with Willie in the bug room refusing to save Indy and Short Round at first since the lever to release the trap is inside a hole covered in bugs. Being a prequel though, the suspense is massively diluted since we know Indy’s going to have another movie after this one, so of course Willie overcomes her bad writing for this moment of brief usefulness.
This also reminds me that most of what we’ve seen in the past 30 minutes of screen time has been essentially pointless. A lot of it hasn’t involved any sort of character development (at least any good character development) and hasn’t furthered the story in any way which leaves me to wonder why it was even in the movie to begin with. In fact, there are quite a few scenes that were left in this movie which I think could’ve been completely cut out or significantly cut down such as the bug scene, the ‘Hard-to-Get’ scene, the dinner scene, the brainwashed Indiana plot point (this practically slows the movie to a halt for about 20 minutes), and much of the scenes of the group going from the small farming village to Pankot Palace. Much of the information discussed in these scenes (if any) is easy to grasp even if it wasn’t expressly shown on screen, or just completely not needed. Anyway, before I go off on a tangent I’ll get back on track, much like the movie does, when the group comes across the Thuggee sacrifice chamber which leads us to definitely the most memorable part of the movie: the Thuggee sacrifice itself.
This introduces us to Mola Ram (played by Amrish Puri), whom you never would’ve known the name of unless you paid attention during the credits, the leader of the Thuggee cult who shows us the power of the Hindu Goddess of Death Kali by ripping out a random guy’s heart, strapping him inside a metal cage, and lowering him into a pit of lava while he screams bloody murder, Mola Ram laughs maniacally, and the collective chants relentlessly. Good Lord, this scene is so freaking bonkers and over-the-top! This is also why some of the feelings that I have about this movie are so complicated, because on the one hand it does have those things I’ve been mentioning up until now, but it also does have hints of creativity and energy to it like this that can still make me enjoy it from time to time. It’s a complex love between the movie and I. Love might be a bit much, but you get my point.
Once the area clears out, Dr. Jones descends into the main chamber to retrieve the Sankara Stones the Thuggees irresponsibly left behind unattended, leaving Willie and Short Round a chance to get captured while he’s not paying attention. The reason he’s not paying attention is because he found where the child slaves are being kept. I should also mention that it’s kinda dumb to capture the village children to be your slave labor when you could’ve just picked able-bodied adults instead. Maybe Kali isn’t big on logic. By seeing this, Dr. Jones gets so angry he lobs a rock at the Slave Driver (played by Pat Roach in brownface (this movie is so progressive, y’all)) which causes him to be discovered and captured. What was your plan there Indiana? So Mola Ram gives him a talking to about Thuggee history and their relationship with the Sankara Stones, and personally I think this could’ve been a great opportunity to go in-depth and complex with his character and motivation for being evil. However, like most things in this movie, it’s completely wasted.
This movie also had the perfect opportunity to explore complex villain motivations considering how earlier in the movie Chattar Lal discussed with Captain Blumburtt (played by Philip Stone (yes, the Overlook Hotel’s original caretaker and Alex DeLarge’s father)) how the British occupation in India makes the natives feel like well-cared for children. They could’ve gone in-depth with how Mola Ram may have felt tempted to turn to this kind of faith as a result of British abuses in the area and how they may have affected him at a young age making him feel like the only way to overcome them was to do something as drastic as this. But no, he’s just crazy. I suppose you could infer that that’s why he does what he does, but it’s never made clear through the actions he takes in the film or what he commands his followers to do, and he doesn’t stand out nearly as much as say Belloq or Donovan as far as Indiana Jones villains are concerned.
One thing I do like about this scene though is how it’s brought to our attention that all of the world’s religions in this film universe are equally real as Mola Ram talks about how he intends to use the Sankara Stones to become so powerful as to overthrow the Muslim, Hebrew, and Christian Gods with Kali’s power. This to me just seems so quintessentially intertwined with the nature of archeology that I really enjoy hearing him discuss it, even if it is in the context of destroying them. Either way, to make Indiana a true believer in Kali, Mola Ram has him drink the blood of Kali which is supposed to brainwash him. He spits it out at first, and apparently no one else in the past has thought to do that before, so the brainwashed Maharajah uses an Indy voodoo doll to torture him until Short Round intervenes which gets them both whipped. After this, the Thuggees force him to drink the blood for real which causes him to have some…interesting vocal spasms. Also, the only reason that previous scene was in the movie was so you aren’t confused when the Maharajah uses the voodoo doll later.
So this is what starts the brainwashed Indy section which more than anything just drags things out. There’s no real point for this to happen other than adding an extra 15-20 minutes to the runtime getting it closer to 2 hours. You could’ve easily just had Indy fight off the Thuggee when he first saw them during that first sacrifice, especially since he’s able to do it just fine later after Short Round wakes him up again using fire which makes no sense by the way. If you wanted to make the movie longer but still make these scenes important, you could’ve had more character study like I mentioned before with Mola Ram, or maybe just show more of the characters that don’t get a lot of screentime in this like Chattar Lal, the Maharajah, Captain Blumburtt, or Wu Han for that matter to make these characters feel more like a driving force in the film. Outside of giving us the goofiest Indiana Jones moments with Indiana smiling like a doof-a-dork the whole time he’s brainwashed, these scenes don’t add anything besides 15-20 minutes to the movie.
There are also other moments during these scenes that could’ve played out more like Short Round escaping in a more creatively intricate way besides just smashing his chains with a pick that apparently no other child had thought to do which would make him seem like more of an asset. You also could’ve had Willie actually be dropped into the pit and killed, not just because I’d pop a bottle of champagne every time I see it, but also to explain why she wasn’t mentioned in the first film and make it play a bigger role in why Indiana decided to care more about the relics he finds as opposed to the money involved. Not only that, but this could also traumatize Short Round so much that he decides to abandon Indiana Jones and never travel with him again also explaining his absence in the first movie as well. I mean the movie is relentlessly mean-spirited already, it wouldn’t be that out of place and would actually make these movies feel more like a continuing story. However, we instead just get the copout victory of Indiana waking up, fighting off Thuggee priests, and saving Willie which just makes me want to strangle something!
I know y’all are just as frustrated as I am that Willie didn’t get her heart ripped out, so let’s just move on before I grind my teeth into dust. From here on Indy and the group save all the slaves and have a fight with the Slave Driver which alternates between Indiana Jones fight scene and Goofy animated short. Some of the things that happen in this scene are just so ridiculous you’d swear they came out of a cartoon. After all the children are freed though, the rest of the Thuggee chase after the group so they try to escape on minecarts. To be totally fair, and especially after the Slave Driver fight, this scene with the minecart battle is legit pretty fun. I kinda wanna hear the Donkey Kong Country music playing during the whole thing but other than that it has energy, creativity, and captures the spirit of Indiana Jones very well even if the effects aren’t always convincing. I swear Short Round turns into Stretch Armstrong during this scene.
With their enemies dispatched at the end of the tunnel they have to slow down, but the brake breaks. Indy then stops the cart manually but sets his shoes on fire in the process. Lucky for him there’s a bunch of water flooding their way courtesy of Mola Ram and the rest of the Thuggee. They escape it when they probably shouldn’t and climb up a cliffside where they find the climax of the movie. Not before a clever callback to the first movie though where Indy is briefly cornered by two Thuggee members with swords. He goes to shoot them but he doesn’t have his gun, so he just smiles and laughs. I legit laugh every time I see that. Back at the climax, Willie and Short Round run into Mola Ram and a swath of Thuggee members on a bridge where they get cornered and threatened to give up the stones that Indy has when he follows them to the same bridge. Indy, of course, refuses causing the Thuggee to close in on him from both sides of the bridge and Indy gets the brilliant idea to destroy the bridge with everyone on it.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down and most of the Thuggee members on the bridge just straight up die at this point. The crocodiles in the river below seem surprisingly okay with only gnawing on their clothes though. Meanwhile, Mola Ram managed to hold on, but when he tries to rip Indiana’s heart out, Indiana somehow manages to grab him by the wrist and make Mola Ram punch himself instead. Okay. This villain death scene is pretty drawn out, but the weirdest part of it is when Mola Ram gets into a game of tug-o-war with Indy over the stones. Out of nowhere Indy just starts going on about how Mola Ram ‘betrayed Siva’ and speaking vague Hindi in an aggressive tone. When I was younger I assumed that this was probably some sort of trigger phrase to activate the stones and have them burn their way out of Indy’s satchel so Mola Ram would lose them, but nowhere in the movie is this ever confirmed. You’d think this would be an important part to make clear to the audience considering this is how the villain is eventually done in, but I guess they just left it up to interpretation. I don’t know, I’m just not sure Indiana Jones is the kind of movie that’s best left up to interpretation.
Mola Ram falls to his death as a result of his butterfingers during the fight over the stones, and the British army saves our heroes. Take it as you will that in this movie about India it’s the British who save the day. Oh no, but where’s Indy? Is he gonna make it? Oh yeah, he totally will. For some reason the movie tries to trick us into thinking he might be dead when we obviously know he’s not because of the whole prequel thing. Anyway, instead of running off with the remaining stone and making his ‘fortune and glory’ Indy decides to do the honorable thing and return it to the destitute farming village which is now flourishing upon the stone’s return. Willie and Indy kiss because they’re totally gonna be a couple guys, Short Round reunites with his favorite travel elephant and sprays water on them, the once slave children gather around them and the movie ends on a positive note that for an Indiana Jones movie is warranted, but for this movie is kinda out of place.
Naturally, as I’ve gotten older, there are so many things I notice in this movie now that just don’t work and make the viewing experience as a whole less fun, but there are also moments in the film that push the standard of creativity for the series and elevate the sense of fun and adventure. Does this make the movie a worthy follow-up to the first? I’m not sure I’d say that. Does it deserve to exist in the Indiana Jones film lineup? Personally, I think so. To be completely fair, I’d say if the Jones films went on for as long as they have, which they have at this point, it was only a matter of time before we got a film like this one that challenged the status quo of the series and took legitimate risks for the sake of making something especially over-the-top and memorable. That’s one thing that can’t be said for some other Jones films, but of course we’ll get to those when we get to those.
It also goes back to what I said at the start of this series of reviews, one of the main things about each of these movies is that they’re all memorable in their own way. What this movie is to me as I get older is essentially Indiana Jones’ version of an insane B-movie, constantly throwing crazy stuff at you without much of a break to it. Sure there is a bit of buildup to get to that point, but when it does get there, you can’t say it isn’t entertaining. There are still several problems with it and I stand by all of my criticisms I noted throughout the review, they are a legitimate reason someone may not be interested in seeing this movie which is completely understandable. At the same time though, some of those criticisms may also be a reason someone may want to see this movie which goes back to my whole insane B-movie comparison. Overall it’s definitely your choice whether this movie is right for you or not, but I can say with utmost certainty that there are far worse things out there for you to watch.
Even myself, I have to admit that if I’m in the right mood I can be a fan of this movie, but I can’t put it as high as Raiders on my rating scale. Due to its problems, the best I can give it is anywhere between 1.5 to 3/5 Chicken Tikka Masalas depending on my mood, but if after reading this you think you might be interested, feel free to give it a watch. If you have Disney+ as well, it’s not like you’ll be wasting any money either.
For your weekend movie night, you can decide for yourself if this is the right or the wrong Indiana Jones movie for you.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Dun du-dun dun, dun du-dun! It’s hard to do music in this format, but you know what I’m going for. You know him, you love him, we’re taking a first look at the Indiana Jones franchise this week with Raiders of the Lost Ark!
Today marks the beginning of something different, I’ve decided to do a series of reviews! With this first review, I’ve decided to take a look at all of the Indiana Jones films in order (not chronological order, but release order). Hopefully this is something y’all will enjoy, because I have a feeling I’ll enjoy it myself. What a way to start as well with one of Harrison Ford’s most iconic characters! Although, if y’all don’t like this idea, by all means let me know in the comments. If y’all (sorry for my Nebraska-ness) are as excited as I am though, prepare yourselves as I spend the next month with this series as I’ll break it down bit-by-bit exploring the highs, the lows, and the mehs of each film.
Out of many classic film sagas, that’s one thing I personally enjoy about this one. It really does run the gamut of quality from great to awful and everything in between. To some that can be something worth studying while to others that just makes it more inconsistent and odd, but one thing you can’t say it isn’t is forgettable. So many people nowadays, and ever since the first film was released, knows the name of the leather-clad, fedora hat toting, whiplashing archeologist Indiana Jones and that’s because, for better or for worse, he leaves an impact on all who view his adventures. Without further ado, let’s give this film legend the respect he deserves and pop the lid off that ark to see what’s inside, this is Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark!
To start off, I’m not even going to bother going into detail on what happens in this opening because I’m sure everyone reading this right now already knows it by heart. It’s been parodied and referenced to death, and for very good reason, since this is easily one of the most epic movie introductions ever put to film. Every beat, every line, every shot, and every character is where it needs to be to create what’s honestly a pretty solid short film on its own. What surprised me the most about this opening is that it’s only 13 minutes long, and yet it manages to get us to understand these characters and their situations, why they do what they do, and be invested in its outcome. Outside of that, there is one thing I would like to mention about this opening: nitpicks.
Sure, since we’ve all seen this opening so many times, whether it be from the movie itself or parodied in films like UHF, we’ve all noticed some things about it that just don’t add up logically. Like how this ancient civilization seems to have a surprisingly solid grasp on mechanics and engineering to be able to create highly complex traps for its trespassers including light sensors, pressure plates, and advanced hydraulics. Why didn’t that one guy shoot Indy (get used to me saying played by Harrison Ford) before he had the chance to whip the gun out of his hand? The spiders seem oddly okay with being brushed away by a whip. How come Satipo (played by Alfred Molina) didn’t avoid the light on his way back through the tunnel when he knew passing through it would get him impaled by spikes? Sidenote: Alfred Molina has some real star power to be featured in the opening credits despite having less than 10 minutes of screentime.
Also something that made me laugh: Watching this movie on Disney+ showed that the film was rated PG because it ‘contains tobacco depictions’.
All those things are ultimately arbitrary because, I will use the same justification I used in my Wreck-It Ralph review, the situations in this movie are meant to enhance the ideas of the story, not the details. Small nitpicks like those ones aren’t movie-breaking since the movie isn’t trying to be flawlessly logical or intricately realistic, it’s meant to be a fun adventure that pushes the envelope of what’s possible in adventure films which is exactly what it does. This does also lead me to another point about this intro which is very much worth mentioning: the point of it in the grand scheme of the film. I’m sorry, I know this review is very top-heavy, but if you have seen this movie I’m sure you know that this intro is worth discussing.
When it comes to the point of this intro in relation to the rest of the movie, it’s technically pointless. It doesn’t really tie into anything else in the movie and if you cut it out and started at the scene of Indy in Barnett College teaching archeology you wouldn’t really miss anything, but it would make the movie worse. Why is this? While yes film scenes should ideally tie into the rest of the narrative, the opening of a movie is also supposed to prepare you for the film you’re about to see. If the movie did start from the scene of Indiana teaching, you may think this movie was instead about a forbidden love between student and teacher on account of that one creepy moment in the classroom with that one student who wrote ‘Love you’ on her eyelids. So when you did get to the point where he gears up to start the hunt for the Ark, you might be surprised at the direction the movie was taking.
By having Indiana Jones be Indiana Jones and hunt for ancient relics in the jungles of South America in the beginning, you know exactly what this movie is going to be about. A mild mannered college professor who teaches archeology by day and by night hunts priceless antiquities with his whip, fedora, and rugged good looks in tow. That’s also what makes the opening of Tim Burton’s Batman so memorable as well for a three act, nearly two hour film. While it’s not nearly as iconic as this film’s opening, it does still work similarly in the sense that you know exactly what you’re in for by showing the Caped Crusader fighting off goons/supposedly killing Johnny Gobbs first and then showing him with his suit off as Bruce Wayne 20 minutes later. It’s all for the sake of making the audience aware of what kind of movie they’re watching.
Okay, with all that out of the way, let’s continue with the story. It’s also here that I realize just how exposition-y this film can be at times. Once we see Indiana Jones back at College, he’s taken aside by his friend Marcus Brody (played by Denholm Elliott) who leads him in the direction of two bureaucrats, one named Major Eaton (played by William Hootkins), and explain to Indy how they intercepted Nazi communications saying they’re in search of the headpiece to the Staff of Ra. Indy being the well-read archeologist he is instantly identifies this as the first step in a series of actions to locate the lost Ark of the Covenant, which means he needs to intercept this find before the Ark falls into filthy Hitler hands. However, there’s one caveat: the last known location of the headpiece was with a long lost mentor of Indiana’s named Abner Ravenwood and his daughter Marion (played by Karen Allen) once had a thing for Indy. Womp-womp.
With that being said, Indiana sets off to find Abner, who was last seen in Nepal, and see if he’d be willing to offer up the headpiece. Unbeknownst to our dear Dr. Jones though is that the character whose name is the most difficult to pronounce, Major Toht (played by Ronald Lacey), is hot on his trail and following him to Nepal so he can find the headpiece and take it before Jones gets it. After being treated to these films’ iconic travelling montages, we see Marion being a strong independent woman in Nepal running her own bar and outdrinking every man who gets in her way. Since we’re on the topic of Marion though, I’d just like to talk about some things with her character that rub me the wrong way.
Don’t get me wrong, unlike some of the other love interests Indiana has throughout the rest of the series, she’s probably the most take-charge and can-do out of all of them. Although, I personally wish they could’ve written the scenes that have her in them better. Karen Allen does a good job in this role and I’m in no way putting this on her performance, it’s just that the movie does its best to build her up as this strong, level-headed person who may even be able to give Indy a run for his money in terms of street smarts, but she ends up having to be saved more times than Willie. WILLIE! That’s just so inherently frustrating to me especially considering that Willie’s character can best be described as what would happen if the screaming goat made a wish on a Zoltar machine to be Meg Ryan.
With that out of the way, the negotiation with Indiana and Marion goes about as swimmingly as you would expect, including how before Indy even finishes his question about where the headpiece is Marion is already winding up to punch him, and ends with Indy leaving and Major Toht following close behind and attempting to torture Marion to give him the headpiece. Of course Jones saves her (Chock that up to a save count of 1) but while in the heat of battle, things literally heat up as the bar catches on fire. Toht sees the headpiece lying on the ground, but when he goes to pick it up it’s gotten too hot from the flames surrounding it and it melts his hand leaving an imprint on it in the process. Since Jones gave Marion $3,000 to give him the headpiece and the money has now burnt up in the fire, after both of them escape the burning wreck Marion decides to tagalong to get her money back.
‘Contains tobacco depictions’
Finally we arrive at Cairo where we meet Indiana’s long-time friend Sallah (played by John Rhys-Davies) and we go through more unnecessary Marion-in-peril moments. Yeah, we have this long scene of the Nazis trying to slow down Jones’ progress in finding the Ark’s location which really only amounts to Marion getting kidnapped and presumed dead for 15 minutes of screentime, if that. Was it really worth it? One thing I can say is that in this sequence we get the iconic gun scene of Indiana getting challenged by a swordsman only to shoot him instead so I suppose it was kinda worth it. After this we see Indy alone in a bar with his monkey and he gets summoned to his competitor Belloq’s (played by Paul Freeman) location. While it is a pretty neat scene in its own right talking about how both Indy and Belloq are just stark opposites of each other, I would’ve preferred if this could’ve been represented by visual means as opposed to just verbally explaining it. What they’re talking about is interesting, especially how Belloq mentions that everything can become priceless if you bury it in the ground for long enough, but I still think it would’ve been cooler to explore the duality of these two characters differently then just saying it.
After this scene and consulting an old man who’s an expert on the Ark, Sallah and Indy discover how Belloq, along with his Nazi backup lead by Col. Dietrich (played by Wolf Kahler), have been digging in the wrong area to find the Ark’s resting place which they then use as a means to discover the true location for themselves. They end up doing just that which is also when they find out that Marion isn’t dead (big shock), but Jones doesn’t rescue her after discovering her tied up. He realizes in that moment that if he did, all the Nazis in the area would just start looking for her anyway which could make uncovering the Ark more difficult for them. So he opts not to save her and instead goes to dig up the Ark first and come back for her later. True love, am I right?
They dig through the night with their private group of diggers until Sallah and Indiana uncover the Well of the Souls which is also full of snakes.
As you may remember from the opening, Indy “Hates snakes, Jock! I hate ‘em!” But Sallah being the ultra supportive friend that he is decides Indy should face his fears head on by tossing him into the Well first. All the while Belloq and Marion are getting to know each other very well by drinking and laughing with each other until Marion decides to pull a knife on him. He laughs it off at first until she’s caught by Toht and this scene ultimately goes nowhere. They show earlier in the film that the Nazis think Marion might know something since she’s had the headpiece in her possession for so long, but she doesn’t know anything, so what’s the point of these scenes? Toht ends this scene by talking in his usual creepy fashion asking Marion “What shall we talk about?” and that’s where it stops. Nothing ever comes of this.
Meanwhile, back in the part of the story you actually care about, the Ark is finally retrieved after Sallah joins Indy down in the Well and they both lift it into a crate. Before I continue, I want to mention that at this point we’re an hour and 10 minutes into the movie and this is the first glimpse we catch of the Ark which is really beautiful on its own. It’s clearly made out of solid gold (at least in movie terms) and the details on it really make it mesmerizing.
However, before they can leave with the Ark, Belloq and his Nazi crew discover their secret dig since the sun has come out and they steal it from them while also dropping in Marion for good measure. They seal up the Well so they can die, but of course they don’t since Indiana Jones breaks out because he’s Indiana Jones and Marion gets needlessly scared by skeletons because reasons. The Ark is set to be loaded onto a plane and flown to Berlin, but not if Indiana Jones has anything to say about it! They blow up the plane with some fierce resistance from an overly buff shirtless German guy who gets chopped to bits by the plane’s propellers and Belloq and co instead decide to load the Ark onto a truck and take it to Cairo until further notice.
Once again Indiana swings into action with probably some of the best stunt work of the movie as he chases after the procession of German vehicles on a horse and hops onto the Ark truck and overtakes it. It’s a pretty long drawn-out scene, but it’s a lot of fun to watch as Indy runs cars and other various vehicles off the road and even gets shot and thrown out of the truck himself. While not very realistic, Indy gets back into the truck’s cabin by crawling under it while it’s moving, whipping himself back into the trunk and crawling back the same way the Nazis came. Eventually this results in Indiana running Belloq and co off the road and taking the Ark for himself again.
To get themselves to safety, Sallah requests the help of Captain Katanga (played by George Harris) and his crew to help them deliver the Ark. Of course the Nazis end up intercepting their ship on a U-Boat and capturing Marion again while also taking the Ark again, so Indy decides to follow them to wherever they’re taking the Ark while also somehow never being caught on the U-Boat. I mean they’d probably submerge the submarine at some point on their journey to Climax Island, how would Indy have kept up with them on the U-Boat if they batten down their hatches and make it so he can’t get in? Anyway, they make it to the island where Jones disguises himself as a Nazi to get close to the Ark until he reveals himself to the Nazis and threatens to blow up the Ark. Since Indiana Jones is an archeologist at heart, he can’t bring himself to do it, and Belloq called him on his bluff in another pretty good scene showing how these characters are great foils of each other.
This gets Indy captured alongside Marion (Woo, together in bondage!) while the Nazis open the Ark to speak to God as Belloq put it in that earlier scene. At first it seems disappointing as all they find is dust, but soon some supernatural stuff starts poppin’ off so Indy tells Marion to shut her eyes. Some beautiful spirits emerge from the Ark until they turn ugly and start laying waste to these evil Nazi bastards! There’s lots of fire and lightning as each of the Nazis are taken out one by one, but the best deaths are saved for Belloq, Dietrich, and Toht of course. Dietrich gets what I can only assume are his organs sucked out of his body like in the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies, Toht’s face melts off in another of the films most iconic images, and Belloq just straight up blows up.
‘Contains tobacco depictions’
All’s well that ends well, since the Ark is brought to the states far away from Nazi influence, Indiana Jones goes back home with Marion who’s never mentioned or appears again in the movies until ‘That Film That Shall not be Named’ and we close on how little the US gives a crap about significant cultural relics since the Ark is put in a giant warehouse where it gets swallowed up by the sheer number of other crates in that frickin’ huge warehouse.
All things considered, there are a few things that I have issues with in this movie, but I still think it’s a great watch.
While I did mention previously some of the things I find objectionable about the film such as how they make Marion out to be this badass when she’s really just another damsel in distress and how it can drag in some places, I still think this movie is an adventure classic all these years later. I don’t just mean for me either when it comes to how long it’s been since I’ve seen it last, I also mean in terms of film history. This movie turns 43 years old this year, and it’s just as awesome today as it was when it first came out. If you haven’t seen it yet, I’d imagine you’re probably really confused as to what I meant when I was discussing one of the most epic movie intros ever put to film earlier, but I also recommend you give it a watch for your weekend movie night this week.
As far as how well I’d rate this movie, I’d put it at a 4.5/5 roasting Hitlers. That’s just a good image for anyone of any age.
If you’ve never heard of Indiana Jones before, this is a great start to an uneven yet iconic film saga. Strap on your whips, put on your fedoras, and sit your buns on that couch this weekend to enjoy one of cinema’s greatest heroes.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
The Others
Ooo, spooky ghosties in a 1945 Jersey home! Come with me on this not-Halloween journey to discover the secrets behind The Others!
Disclaimer:
SPOILERS!
As you may have noticed if you’re a regular follower of my posts there isn’t really any rhyme or reason to which movies I decide to review on any particular week, but this is one that’s pretty out of nowhere even for me. Taking that out of the equation though, this honestly isn’t a movie I think about too much. Not that I don’t like it, in fact I actually think it’s pretty good. Also, I feel it’s well acted and properly paced for a movie of its kind. In a weird way though, I’m not sure that this is a movie that sticks with me like some other movies I’ve seen, and even some other movies I’ve reviewed. Specifically with the twist that takes place towards the end which no discussion about this movie can go without, it does make me think about what I saw much differently which is very clever (especially upon first viewing), but oddly enough I found myself days later not really thinking about it much. Funny enough, it makes me think more about why it is that I’m not thinking more about this movie.
Maybe that’s just my experience of the film, but we can’t be certain without taking a closer look (and always feel free to let me know in the comments!). Put on your cardigans and take a walk out into the fog with me as we examine The Others!
Firstly, the tone of this movie is well built up to give you the sense that what you’re watching isn’t entirely 100. After all, the opening shot is literally of the protagonist Grace (played by Nicole Kidman) screaming at the top of her lungs after waking up. That’s definitely a way to get our attention. Speaking of Grace, Nicole Kidman really is electric in this role. She does a great job of making us believe that she’s an overworked mother losing her mind in a house by herself and also of getting us to like her before the ending. That and she has a great relationship with her children in the film Anne and Nicholas (played by Alakina Mann and James Bentley) which helps drive the illusion home and make us care about them more. Each of them feel like real people just trying to live their life in peace during World War II, and while they all can have their unlikable moments, I personally think it adds to their believability and even relatability.
What also helps sell this whole film is how it’s kept focused on this one house. Nothing happens outside of the house in the film, and of course that ties into the twist later, but it also helps the movie stay focused and get us as the audience even more invested with the characters and their situation. This also makes me think how if the twist didn’t happen in this movie, if it were just a self-contained story about a woman and her family doing their best to survive on their own without their father, I think it would’ve worked fine enough. Granted I don’t think as many people would’ve talked about it after seeing it or it would’ve even been as well received as it was by audiences, but the story and characters could’ve supported it enough on its own to create a different enough fictional period piece. I know I’m mentioning the twist a lot without even bringing it up yet, but that is the main thing in this movie people remember and for good reason. Especially considering that this movie clearly takes after The Sixth Sense quite a bit where the twist is the main crux of the movie and the primary reason to watch it in the first place, you can see why most people discuss it. Don’t worry though, we’ll get there in due time.
Soon after the film starts, Grace and her family are visited by three people hoping to be hired to look after the place for them. Their names are Mrs. Bertha Mills (played by Fionnula Flanagan), Mr. Edmund Tuttle (played by Eric Sykes) and Lydia (played by Elaine Cassidy) and Grace shows them around the house wasting no time giving them a laundry list of rules while also explaining how her children are sensitive to light and every room they’re in has to have the curtains drawn. While this may seem like a plot device, mostly because it is, it is also a real thing. On the DVD special features there’s a section dedicated to explaining the children’s condition which is called ‘xeroderma pigmentosum’. It can result in harsh skin irritation given prolonged exposure to sunlight which can also lead to the development of malignant tumors and eventually neurologic degeneration according to the National Library of Medicine (yes I Googled this).
Another way they add to the idea that what you’re seeing as the audience member isn’t the full picture is how it’s explained that Grace suffers from chronic migraines and she takes medication to deal with it. You could reasonably assume at certain points in the movie that maybe what she’s experiencing could just be hallucinations brought about by her medication as well. Only because this takes place in 1945, I find it very unlikely that a potential Exedrin Migraine side effect would be cinematic paranormal hallucinations. Heck, even the movie suggests as much, since there’s a later scene after Grace manhandles Anne during one of her hallucinations that Grace decides to wash her medication down the drain since she thinks it could be affecting her mental state.
This goes on for quite a while, with us just in the house experiencing the lives of these people and the strangeness of random supernatural occurrences from time to time until Grace decides to leave the house. The reason she does this is because, for some reason, she tried to get an advertisement posted in the paper for people to come and help her take care of the house, but it never got published. Yet, for some reason, Mrs. Mills, Mr. Tuttle, and Lydia still came to the house anyway even though they shouldn’t have had any knowledge of the job opening. So yeah, this movie is like 70-80% foreshadowing (much like The Sixth Sense before it), but Grace’s decision to leave does introduce us to my personal favorite character: Grace’s husband Charles (played by underappreciate Dr. Who number 9 Christopher Eccleston).
Since the fog surrounding their house is so thick, instead of making it to her desired destination, Grace just bumps into him out of nowhere. He’s supposed to be on active duty in World War II, but she finds him here. Odd. They go back home together and have a cute little reunion with Anne and Nicholas but Charles doesn’t seem particularly happy. Despite being back home with his family that he loves, he has this air of depression around him that doesn’t let up, even when he’s alone with his wife. Much like most other things in this movie it’ll all make much more sense after the big reveal, but for now it’s just weird. Not one day after Charles’ return as well, he tells Grace that he can’t stay and he only came back to say goodbye since he now has to return to his duty. Grace naturally doesn’t take this well, but they share a night of passion and Charles slips out undetected.
Things only seem to get worse and worse in regards to the paranormal happenings in the house because the family then wakes up soon after Charles leaves to find that all of the curtains in the house have been taken down. Since you may remember the children are incredibly photosensitive and can’t be exposed to such high levels of natural light, they end up freaking out and sounding the alarm to the three housekeepers. Mrs. Mills, Mr. Tuttle, and Lydia however don’t seem particularly startled by this revelation however, almost as if they knew this was something that would happen at some point or another, and they try to talk Grace down from a freak out. This doesn’t work though and only causes Grace to grab the in-house shotgun and threaten the housekeepers to hand over the keys to palace or else. Eventually they leave which is when the climax officially starts and everything falls into place.
Anne decides to run away since she still believes her mom is going crazy (and you can’t really blame her after practically being strangled by her after a weird paranormal occurrence), and Nicholas follows close behind which leads them to the house’s garden where they discover some gravestones. These gravestones are particularly interesting since they’re the gravestones of Mrs. Mills, Mr. Tuttle, and Lydia! Oh my god, they were ghosts the whole time! Funny enough, this isn’t actually the biggest reveal the movie has to offer, because soon after this is found out the three of them come out of the woods and try to coax the children to come with them. At this point the kids are thoroughly creeped out though, so they run back to the house to warn their mother. Once they meet up, they see that the ex-housekeepers weren’t too far behind, so to protect them, Grace tells the kids to go upstairs and hide while she takes care of the ghosts.
However, the ghosts explain that the paranormal stuff that’s been going on this whole time wasn’t their doing. There are other intruders in the house besides them that could prove a threat to Grace’s family, and as soon as this is discovered, we hear Anne and Nicholas scream upstairs. We follow Grace up the stairs into the room where the kids are and we find another group of people sitting at a table doing a…seance? They’re asking questions like ‘Tell us what happened to you’ and ‘Why are you here?’ When Anne approaches the medium after these questions are posed, the medium scribbles on a sheet of paper what looks like pillows causing another person at the table to ask ‘Is that how you died? You were suffocated by a pillow?’ Everything starts to go chaotic as Anne, Nicholas, and Grace all start to shout about how they’re not dead. But in fact, they are. That’s the big twist everybody, the whole time Anne, Nicholas, and Grace were also dead!
How they explain it in the movie is that Grace, while Charles was away in the war, she got incredibly lonely and even expected him to have died in the war, and all the while she was stuck at home having to take care of two very high-maintenance kids without anyone else to talk to. So when Grace is at her wit’s end, she takes a pillow and smothers her children while they’re asleep, and once she’s done she takes the shotgun I mentioned earlier and shoots herself. Especially considering how much I was liking Grace up until this point, not necessarily as the most virtuous character I’ve seen but at least someone that seemed human and believable with notable flaws and even was relatable in some ways, I was completely crushed when I found this out. Also considering how earlier in the movie when she was talking to Charles and she mentioned that she would die before hurting the children, this just proves her hypocrisy as well which makes this a perfect blend of shock and betrayal.
Yeah, so not gonna lie, the first time I saw this I was totally stunned. This was incredibly well built up and there were clues everywhere throughout the movie hinting at this eventual twist which made it all the more believable. It also makes rewatching the film that much more interesting as you can see how many different ways they tried to convey this message early on. This is also why Charles is my favorite character in the movie since I think he worked as the perfect exemplifier of what this twist was building up to be. Grace suddenly comes across him out of nowhere, because as others in Grace’s social circle had mentioned before, Charles did die in the war which is why she found him there, he was a lost wandering soul returning to a familiar place during his life. Charles is depressed and sad the whole time because, unlike Grace, he’s fully aware that he’s passed and by seeing Grace in this place (Oh, rhyme), he knows that she not only did something to herself, but the children as well. He also eventually ends up leaving to ‘return to the front’ since souls are tied to the places they died. In the end he was right, he was only there to see her and the children one last time and say goodbye to them, but he wasn’t expecting to actually have a final conversation with their spirits. It really makes his scenes more emotionally powerful as well.
On top of that, pretty much everything else in the movie was building up to this moment as well. Lydia didn’t talk throughout the movie, not because she was born without the ability to speak, but because upon the discovery of her being dead, she couldn’t handle the realization and stopped talking. The pictures that Grace found in the house and showed to Mrs. Mills of dead people sets up the eventual discovery of the housekeepers being dead when Grace finds their postmortem photo-ops. Just the general vibe of the housekeepers throughout the movie when they’re by themselves gives off the energy that they know more about the situation than they’re letting on and are even actively orchestrating events to happen in a certain way when we see Mr. Tuttle cover up their graves with piles of leaves. The scene with Grace and the self-playing piano/door shenanigans, when Grace heard footsteps coming from the statue room, Anne and her communications with Victor (played by Alexander Vince), when Anne takes on the appearance of the medium seen in the climax and Grace attacks her, how when the children were ever exposed to light it never did anything, all of it was building up to this moment. They’re dead. They were always dead.
In the end Grace has a little monologue with her children in her arms about how she killed them, they proclaim that the house is theirs, Mrs. Mills offers some comforting postmortem sentiments, and the family that was being haunted by our main characters leaves the house. Ultimately the house is put up for sale, and the audience is left in shock putting all of the previous pieces together to formulate the entire picture this movie gave them, which is a detailed one to say the least. Outside of that though, I still can’t help but feel a certain…emptiness with this movie. Let’s go into more detail with the conclusion.
While I can’t deny that there are definitely things that I like about this movie, from the casual lowkey-ness of it all, the stylistic period piece aesthetic, the outstanding acting, and the consistently well-balanced tone, I feel like there was a bit of a disconnect with the characters. Not that they weren’t well written or well acted, but I think their memorability is what fell flat for me. Upon rewatching this movie, I legit forgot most of these characters’ names before having them spelled out to me again just because I think they’re less well-defined as people and more vessels to make the story happen. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like these characters serve their respective purposes well, but I just feel like they could’ve been more distinct as people as opposed to just characters. Does that make sense?
When it comes to movies such as The Sixth Sense like I mentioned before that this movie clearly was inspired by in terms of elaborate and well-thought out twists as well as even modern films such as Hereditary that has a similar feel to it, each of the characters from those stories I remember to this day. Each of them were not only well-written and served a specific purpose for the story, but they also had distinct, identifiable personalities that helped them stand out and help me to remember them far into the future. I think that’s where this movie dropped the ball a bit. I will say that it is still enjoyable to watch even just for the sake of watching it with people who haven’t seen it before just to see their reaction, but there is even enjoyment in that. So taking my very specific problems with the movie out of the equation, I’ll still say that overall it’s a fun, suspenseful experience that takes you through some eerie twists and turns and eventually will leave you speechless.
For my rating, I’d say that this movie has earned itself a solid 3.5/5 ‘I see dead people’. Others would probably rate it higher, but this is my blog and I don’t wanna lie about my opinion. Also, enjoy this classic .gif:
(I make no claim of ownership for the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Wreck-It Ralph
Insert coin and press start on today’s review, ‘cause we’ll be looking at the Disney film Wreck-It Ralph! Does this mean I’m putting up a paywall on my blog? No, no it does not. I just needed a fun quip that related to the movie in some way.
Another film that just kinda happened on a whim, but one I’m still glad to be talking about nonetheless. My first official Disney film that I’ve reviewed and surely not the last, I think this movie still leaves a significant impression on all those who see it, especially those who’re game fans (like myself). It manages to blend being an homage to classic gaming culture while also creating its own unique world with fun and likable characters practically seamlessly. Ever since I was a kid watching this movie for the first time on the big screen I really enjoyed it, and while I still enjoy it to this day, I have started to notice a few things here and there that could be pointed out as imperfections or flaws. None of them movie-breaking mind you (or should I say movie-wrecking?) but still worth mentioning as they can occasionally take you out of the experience if you’re an adult like I am now and wasn’t when I first saw this film.
Of course as this will be a comprehensive review I will be going over spoilers if you haven’t yet seen the movie. Since this film’s twist is one of the things I also have a bit of an issue with, naturally I’ll be going over it in detail. You have been warned.
Wasn’t I saying I liked this movie though? Yes, in fact I do like this movie, but let’s get into it. So insert your quarters and start your candy engines, let’s punch our way into Wreck-It Ralph!
We open the film with narration on what our main character Wreck-It Ralph (played by Mr. Cellophane himself, John C. Reilly) goes through in a typical level of his arcade game ‘Fix-It Felix Jr.’ Turns out it isn’t very fun from his perspective, even if it is for the players and/or his counterpart and good guy Fix-It Felix (played by Jack McBrayer). Eventually we dissolve into the Bad-Anon meeting that Ralph is actually in where he’s describing this whole thing and we see just how in-depth the filmmakers are willing to go to develop a functioning arcade universe. This whole scene is full of classic bad guys from retro arcade games such as Zangief and M. Bison from Street Fighter, Bowser from the Mario series, Dr. Robotnik from the Sonic series, Clyde from Pac-Man, etc. Although, while it’s a lot of fun to just have the novelty of seeing each of these characters on screen together and interacting with each other, none of the characters in the scene outside of Ralph himself actually play a major role in the events of the film.
While some people could see this as a bit of a let-down, I personally appreciate the film for doing this as opposed to making the cameo characters the focus. In the end, this movie is out to tell its own story that just so happens to be in the environment of an arcade. This is what’s most important to me when it comes to movies like this, that the story and characters are the main focus instead of making the audience reenact the DiCaprio meme of pointing at the screen going “Oh-oh, I know that character!” This is also where other movies such as Ready Player One for example fell flat for me as it’s main focus was on cheap cameos with bland characters being our link between all of them. Not only does this movie lean into its own story and characters to an engaging and entertaining degree, it also took a lot of work to fully develop its world in a way that’s easy to follow and fun to watch. Although, we’ll go into more detail on that later.
In this meeting though, Ralph lets slip that he’s tired of being the bad guy, and based on how people treat him, we as the audience can totally identify with it. Although, ultimately good guys and bad guys are just how games work, especially most of these arcade games that we see, so his fellow bad guys try to remind him that there’s a certain balance in the game world that can’t be messed with. Once he leaves and goes back to his game though, we get a clearer picture of how people see him as a bad guy, with random passersby including Frogger from…well…Frogger zipping past him as they’re afraid of him hurting them in some way and very unlikable Surge Protectors stopping him in his tracks to security check him. Upon return his fellow game-mates are having a party without him with fireworks, cake, ice sculptures, booze (in 2024 that would’ve earned this movie a PG-13), the works.
When he goes up to check out the scene, everyone is still super afraid of him including Felix. One thing I should mention about Felix as well is that I like how he’s portrayed as a kind of detached White person where he’s somewhat aware of how much of a jerk he’s being to Ralph but tries to cover it up by giving him little things here and there. He just has the benefit of being surrounded by a huge group of intolerant Nicelanders who look so much worse than him by comparison. He’s the only one who decides to talk to Ralph when he comes up to take a look at the party, he’s the only one who tries to engage him in casual small-talk, and he’s the only one to offer him a slice of cake. In the end though, he still refuses to reckon with why Ralph feels compelled to do what he eventually does and what part he may have in that until the third act which makes him more of an interesting and dynamic character than just the goofy good guy side character.
However, the party goes horribly wrong when one of the partygoers named Gene (played by Raymond S. Persi) tells Ralph off saying that Ralph can’t be a good guy like Felix and can’t win a medal since he’s just a bad guy and that’s all he’ll ever be. This then causes Ralph to destroy the cake in anger and vow to get himself a medal to rub it in the rest of these jerkbags’ faces. It isn’t until Ralph comes across a space cadet named Markowski (played by Joe Lo Truglio) in the backroom of the video game Tapper that Ralph has an epiphany. Markowski, in his bug-fueled hysteria, mouth vomits that his game, Hero’s Duty, gives its victors a medal. So, Ralph (unintentionally) knocks out Markowski and steals his armor to sneak into Hero’s Duty and win himself a medal.
Once there, we’re introduced to Sergeant Calhoun (played by Jane Lynch) who I really wish had some ‘harder’ writing. Don’t get me wrong, she’s already pretty intense, so much so the movie acknowledges it later, but I would’ve loved to see her swear more and have more adult quips throughout the movie. She’s already not in it that terribly much, so it’s not like she would’ve been spouting that many lines kids couldn’t repeat, and they already get away with a little bit with her character by having her prospective husband being eaten by a giant mechanical insect. What makes this scene more scarring (though they don’t show it on screen) is that they reveal in the movie that whatever these bugs eat - they become, so by eating her SO she ended up having to shoot and destroy a horribly mutated mechanical bug version of him. But beyond these moments in the movie, we aren’t given much else beyond some watered down quips they give her which may have sounded hard to begin with, but were made more Disney-friendly in post. In the end it comes across as a bit awkward more than anything badass. Although I suppose I can’t complain too much, even though she doesn’t go as far as I would’ve liked her to, she does give this movie a nice edge.
After Ralph realizes he’s not cut out for Hero’s Duty and conversely Felix and co realizing that Ralph is missing, Ralph decides to cut out the middle player and just get the medal himself when the game isn’t being played. Yeah, apparently Hero’s Duty was only played once during the entire day of the arcade being open, because Ralph never has to fight techno-pests again until the climax unless you count his encounter with the one bug that attacks him on his way to Sugar Rush. That’s one thing I noticed watching this film again in my adulthood, that much of the details in this film are cut down to keep the story moving forward. When King Candy finally finds Ralph later in the movie after being unable to do so for so long previously it takes like 1 to 2 minutes of movie time, when Ralph goes to interrogate Sour Bill about Vanellope it takes him a few seconds of screentime to find him.
Now, this may have something to do with the film’s screenwriters. I discovered upon rewatching the movie that one of the film’s screenwriters is actually Jennifer Lee whom you may know as a co-writer/co-director of Disney’s top modern moneymaking giant: Frozen. Since that movie is primarily a fairy tale where the details aren’t as important when compared to the characters and message, it’s likely that she brought a similar kind of energy to this film. Not to say that this is a problem, though I suppose you could see it that way, but more that as a viewer you’re not supposed to focus on these nitty-gritty aspects of the movie and instead relate to the situations, the characters, the moral, and revel in the creative world-building the movie offers. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of creative worldbuilding in this to tide you over, and that’s one of the things I enjoy the most about it.
In fact, Game Central Station was also heavily influenced by New York City’s Grand Central Station.
Moving back to the story, Ralph gets his medal but activates a baby bug and gets himself and said bug launched into Sugar Rush where he loses his medal and officially meets the dirty homeless child Vanellope von Schweetz (played by Sarah Silverman). Before I continue with the story, I have to mention how Vanellope can be kinda annoying which some viewers may be put off by (including myself), but as we later learn she’s a glitch and outcast by the rest of the characters of Sugar Rush in the name of ‘safety’. You could infer as a viewer that by incessantly irritating Ralph and refusing to leave him alone when they first meet, she’s just wanting to interact with someone who doesn’t see her as a mistake and wants any sort of connection with another person. Although, as soon as she discovers Ralph’s medal hanging from the top of the tree he’s climbing to get it, she steals it from him so she can use it to enter the random roster race and get a chance to be one of the racers in tomorrow’s game.
However, King Candy (played by Alan Tudyk) doesn’t allow it and does whatever he can to stop Vanellope from racing. We’ll get more into that later, but for now just know that King Candy doesn’t want Vanellope racing for some reason. In the meantime, Felix and Sergeant Calhoun are following Ralph’s trail to track down the bug that was in Ralph’s shuttle he took to Sugar Rush and destroy it. It’s here that we get a deeper explanation of the phrase ‘going Turbo’ means. Up until now, the movie has mentioned how the characters in the arcade shouldn’t ‘go Turbo’, that it’s ultimately a bad thing that you shouldn’t do, but we didn’t know what it meant until now. As it turns out, when the arcade first opened, there was a super popular racing game called Turbotime and the main character of the game, Turbo, loved being the center of attention. This is until a rival racing game was introduced and the gamers started ignoring Turbo and his game which made him jealous, so Turbo abandoned his game and tried to overthrow the new game which caused the arcade owner Mr. Litwak (played by Ed O’Neill) to unplug and remove both games from the arcade.
Quick sidenote, I like how Mr. Litwak, while not a driving force in the film, is portrayed as a father to each of the games in his arcade. He treats each of the games under his care as if it were his own child and legit hates to see one of them go, and I really like that.
You best believe this is going to be important in the future.
Back at the main story, Ralph and Vanellope form an alliance where Ralph agrees to help her procure a kart to compete in the random roster race where Vanellope will do her best to win, acquire the cup and Ralph’s medal, and give that medal back to him so he can live the good life. What I like about their relationship is that they kinda love and hate each other at the same time, and it’s shown that they’re really the only two characters that truly understand each other, so it makes sense that they would bond as well as they do. They go through some ups and downs, they make a kart together, it turns out Vanellope doesn’t know how to drive so Ralph teaches her, they escape from King Candy and his officers, and they have a grand ol’ time while doing it. That is until they’re about to set off to finally race. While Ralph’s alone, King Candy finds him and tells him the reason he doesn’t want Vanellope racing is because if Vanellope becomes a racer, the gamers will see her glitching and think the game’s broken causing the game to get unplugged. Even better, glitches can’t leave their games so when the game gets unplugged, she’ll die with it.
This truly impacts Ralph and changes his outlook on the race, because once King Candy leaves and Vanellope returns, Ralph smashes the kart to prevent her from racing as he thinks he’s saving her life. It’s shot as a really emotionally impactful moment, but now that I’m older, it’s just another third act breakup to me. It’s obvious Ralph is going to realize the error of his ways and make amends shortly after, so it’s not like this is anything especially new. Before I’m too hard on this scene though, I will say that it is the next logical step for these characters to take in their stories as Ralph is still trying to be the hero of his own and, as King Candy said, “Make the tough choices” no one else can make. While it is properly built up and effective for what the movie is trying to do, since I have seen this trope done before in several other movies, I just can’t seem to tear up at it like I used to when I was younger.
Ralph then returns to his game where he finds Gene sitting alone in the penthouse suite with a martini and he explains that everyone left since Felix never came back and Mr. Litwak will be pulling their plug the next morning since Ralph wasn’t there the whole time the arcade was open and got the game put out of order. Since the reason Ralph went on this quest in the first place was to get himself a medal and get recognized by the rest of his game characters, he was expecting shock and awe from everyone upon his return and fanfare at his great accomplishment. Once he finds this though and how he essentially destroyed his own game by doing what he did, he realizes that it’s just not worth it. In the end, he’s still the essential glue that holds this game together and without him there to play his role, whether people respect him for it or not, everything falls apart. I like that in realizing this, Ralph rips off his medal, the whole reason he set off on this journey in the first place, and throws it away. Some movies may not do something like this since it feels regressive and makes people wonder what the point of everything up until now even was. Although, this movie makes it worth it by making up for it in character growth, which in the end is more important than any medal.
It’s also then that Ralph sees the Sugar Rush console from across the arcade and sees Vanellope’s picture is on the side of it. Huh, interesting. So he goes back to Sugar Rush and questions King Candy’s lacky Sour Bill (played by the film’s director Rich Moore) and forces him to explain why if Vanellope shouldn’t exist, she’s displayed prominently on the game itself. Sour Bill explains that King Candy tried to delete Vanellope’s code and locked up everyone’s original memory of her character to make her out to be this sort of pseudo-villain of the game. Also if Vanellope races and crosses the finish line, the whole game will reset and her code will be restored. While everything up until now has felt like the filmmakers had done a lot of research on games and retro game culture to make things seem more believable, this is the only part where I think they just shrugged and said, “Yeah, sure, why not?”
Don’t worry, we’re getting there…
With this knowledge, Ralph goes to the Fungeon (hehe) to break Felix out of prison whom Sour Bill put in there after Felix was left behind by Calhoun, and have him fix Vanellope’s kart. This is where Felix experiences the most growth he’ll have in the movie as he’s initially happy to see Ralph until he remembers all the things he’s been through to try to find him. He gets super flustered and angry until Ralph explains his side which helps Felix understand why this all happened. This then leads the both of them to break Vanellope out as well and get her to the race so she can be a real racer. Before I go on though, I’d like to talk a bit about Felix and Calhoun as a couple.
When they first meet, Felix takes an immediate liking to her by complimenting her looks and admiring how the game’s graphics look on her. This begins a sort of unlikely romance between the two of them which is honestly both kinda cute and kinda funny. In terms of classic gaming, this is essentially the equivalent of Mario falling in love with Samus which just makes the whole thing even more funny. Over time you grow to want to see them together, it’s just when Felix calls Calhoun a ‘dynamite gal’ that she freaks out since that just so happens to be the same thing her first love called her and she kicks him out. Of course they end up patching things up again because movie climaxes are great for that kind of thing. In the end though, it’s also really cute to see them together at their wedding too.
So they go off to the races, the cybugs attack, and it’s finally revealed that King Candy was actually Turbo in disguise the whole time! Yeah. Was this really needed? In the end they were already building up King Candy up to be the antagonist of the movie, but did he have to be Turbo? I will give this twist some credit though, unlike some other Disney twist villains, such as Roarke from Atlantis: The Lost Empire, there was a logical progression to this reveal with clues and hints throughout the film. They showed these clues in a variety of ways including how King Candy was familiar with the phrase ‘going Turbo’ even when he logically shouldn’t have been, how his attitude towards Vanellope racing was always less concern and worry for her well-being and more anger and frustration at her potentially stealing his thunder, the fact that he was able to access the game’s code for himself, the fact that the entry point to the game’s code was in his castle of all places, and the fact that Vanellope’s code box was clearly shoved to the side and ignored.
Although, even with all of these clues the filmmakers clearly tried to include to make the transition more believable, it’s still just kinda underwhelming. In the end our big villain is just a decaying narcissistic has-been Speed Racer? That’s it? Seriously? I think it would’ve worked better if they tried to keep him as just a minor obstacle to Vanellope’s goals and not much else, but upon his reveal they try to make him seem like this big intimidating super villain and I just don’t buy it. My faith is somewhat restored in this reveal when Turbo gets eaten by a cybug later, but that’ll come in due time. If that weren’t the case, this just would’ve been disappointing.
Vanellope does her best to finish the race, but the overrun of cybugs at this point is just too great and they destroy the finish line before she can cross it. At first they try to escape but Calhoun reminds us that cybugs can be pacified with a beacon, which causes Ralph to remember the Diet Cola volcano. He steals Calhoun’s hover board and goes to smash all of the Mentos above the caldera into it, until he’s stopped by the newly mutated Turbo. This is when my faith in this twist is somewhat restored, because cybug Turbo is legit pretty disturbing to me, and dare I say scarier than the Pennywise spider in It: Chapter 2. They also blend mechanical cybug parts with candy pieces like in the case of Turbo’s King Candy disguise which is pretty cool. So, they end up having their own little boss fight on the top of the volcano until Ralph decides to sacrifice himself to save Sugar Rush, which Vanellope also sees and glitches her way to his rescue. It’s also clear that in this moment Ralph has sufficiently learned his lesson for the movie since he repeats the Bad Guy affirmation from the Bad-Anon meeting in the intro showing that he now completely accepts his role in life. Sure he thinks he’s about to die, but that just proves even more how much he’s grown. Also it’s also a bit of a copout how Vanellope saves him at the last minute, but to be real, it’d be much crazier if a kids’ movie didn’t do this.
Also, I couldn’t not show you a picture of cybug Turbo. It’s just too cool.
The day is saved, each of our heroes goes back to their respective games, and we wrap up the movie with a closing narration from Ralph at another Bad-Anon meeting discussing what’s gone down after the events of that one night. We see how Fix-It Felix Jr. has come back into the public eye by having the homeless game characters help them out on their bonus levels. The Nicelanders and Felix have also started being nicer to Ralph and even gave him a place to live along with the other homeless game characters. Of course Felix and Calhoun also got married as I mentioned and without any cybug interference. Then Ralph mentions how his favorite part of his day now is getting thrown off the roof at the end of each game, because now he gets a great view of Sugar Rush once everyone lifts him up. He can see Vanellope racing from across the arcade and how much the gamers love her, and they smile and wave at each other. Sure time essentially has to stop when this happens or the person playing has to sit for an uncomfortably long time watching nothing happen on screen, but heck, it’s still a cute way to end this movie which I still like even after all these years.
While I’ve grown to see a few more problems with this movie, it’s not enough for me to say that it’s bad. In fact, there are both things that I’ve noticed since I’ve gotten older that weaken the experience, and things I’ve grown to notice that strengthen it, so it kinda balances out. That I think is a good summary of what this movie is: a good balance. A good balance between references and storytelling, between details and worldbuilding, between character and connections, and between spectacle and substance. I’m sure I’ll continue to watch it several more times in the future, and if you haven’t watched it yourself, I highly recommend it for this week’s weekend movie night you have coming up.
I’d personally give it a 4/5 Marios for the ratings I like to hand out. Surely if you’re a fan of games, movies, or both, I have a feeling Wreck-It Ralph will find its way into your heart.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Or video games for that matter)
(Yet)
Barbie
I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world! Can you say the same? Well, that’s what this movie’s all about. Welcome to Barbie Land everyone where Barbies rule and Ken…wait, who’s Ken?
I figured that it was only a matter of time before this movie, or its counterpart Oppenheimer, was suggested to me. Not to say that it’s a bad thing, if anything it’s quite the opposite. Since this did happen to be another of those films that I’d already heard a lot of positive remarks about amongst people I knew - family, friends, coworkers, etc. - so I had high hopes going into this movie. Sure enough, those expectations were mostly met once I watched it the first time. Yeah, while I did like this movie I can’t say that I liked everything about it. There were a few moments here and there that kinda rubbed me the wrong way, but overall it was a fun experience.
Forgive me for the short intro, I’m just getting my mojo back after a one week hiatus, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from this movie it’s that I should embrace my weaknesses and sell them as a relatable depressed doll so I can massively profit in the end. At least I think that was the point of the movie.
Anyway, let’s hike up our skirts, strap on our heels, and get rid of our cellulite by taking a look at Barbie!
Anyway, we start this movie with a 2001: A Space Odyssey reference. Interesting choice. While this may seem like a weird way to open, I think it helps cement the quirky humor that the movie has throughout its runtime. The good news is that the movie also doesn’t rely on references as its primary form of humor, which is also what makes me think that this is what the point of the scene was. It also provides us with an easy segue into the history of Barbie (the doll) and how she came to be a mainstay in the lives of generations of girls. Helen Mirren also does a pretty good job as the narrator who gives us this backstory balancing history channel voice over with jokes sprinkled in to spice things up. Although, she has about as much presence as Clopin from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. She doesn’t show up in the movie very much beyond the opening and the ending outside of maybe one or two jokes in the middle. One of those jokes was totally worth it though.
But what the movie wants is to focus on the dynamic between Barbie and Ken (played by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling), which we are then introduced to in what is supposedly an average day in Barbie Land. In fact, one of the best visuals in the movie is just the spectacle of Barbie Land. The set-pieces are really cool and completely sell the concept of this reality. They’re also just the perfect blend of creative and clearly fake.
We follow Barbie amongst the other Barbies (including yet also not including Ken) throughout the day where we learn more about Barbie and Ken’s relationship and are subjected to a real foot-tapping soundtrack. Not gonna lie, the songs in this movie are bangers. Everything seems perfect leading up to a dance party at Barbie’s house later that night where she suddenly gets an intrusive thought about death. This is what starts us down the rabbit hole that the movie will focus on until the credits.
From here on, Barbie’s life starts to go downhill prompting her to seek advice from ‘Weird Barbie’ (played by Kate McKinnon) who tells her that she’s opened up a portal to the real world which is affecting her life in Barbie Land. The girl that’s playing with Barbie in the real world is clearly upset so Barbie needs to go to the real world and cheer her up so things can go back to normal. The logic of this movie can be a little hard to follow ocassionally, especially when it comes to the method that’s used to travel from Barbie Land to the real world and vice versa, but I think that’s part of the joke. It can be complicated or hard to follow but the point is you’re never supposed to take it too seriously. At least when it comes to the specifics of how the world works. We’ll get to the heavier parts of this movie later.
With this new knowledge in tow, and with some urging from Weird Barbie, Barbie sets out on her adventure. Ken’s also there. They find out together how different the real world is from Barbie Land and while Barbie has a hard time adjusting, Ken takes it especially well. Upon noticing the completely reversed roles of men and women between Barbie Land and the real world, Ken feels so much more empowered, enlightened, and appreciated. I’d also like to take this time to mention how much this movie makes you relate to Ken. Even though he kinda becomes the film’s antagonist, you completely identify with what he’s doing and how what he’s doing seems justified by how Barbie treats him all the time. And it all started with trucks and horses.
Patented Skye Sidenote: While I can’t say for sure if it was the movie’s primary focus to create an allegory for sex and gender with Barbie and Ken, I can say for sure that it is there. Not only that, but I notice in everyday life, since Barbie (the doll) has become such a notable and iconic staple of American girls’ childhoods, we even occasionally refer to men and women as Ken and Barbie. The movie is clearly aware of this and uses it to entertain the audience with a fun romp through a quirky fictional setting while also making its own statement on inequality regarding sex and gender at the same time. We see this with how the Barbies are in control of Barbie Land (of course you could infer that just from the name) and the Kens are pushed aside and forgotten much like how in the real world men have long been in charge of most things while women struggle to be heard. This also makes perfect sense for Barbie (the doll) because ever since her debut, she’s been the one most people have cared about even after the introduction of Ken in reality, and much like Mattel’s CEO in the movie (played by Will Ferrell) says “We aren’t worried about Ken…ever.”
Eventually Barbie tracks down who she thinks is the girl that’s playing with her named Sasha (played by Ariana Greenblatt) at her High School where she promptly gets torn to shreds by Sasha’s harsh criticisms. Sasha is pretty well acted and I can say that practically all of the points she brings up about how Barbie is weakening the push for feminism I agree with as well (which I’m curious if that was another reason this movie was made: to take back the fight for feminism), although her and her mother Gloria (played by America Ferrera) don’t get as much focus as I would’ve liked. They do have moments here and there that show their relationship working itself out through the process of being taken to a magical land of dolls, but besides that they seem more like afterthoughts. Just characters that’re there to help be the catalysts for change that Barbie needs to figure out her purpose and bring balance to Barbie Land. In the end it’s clear though that the movie wants its main focus to be on Barbie and Ken (especially since they’re the only two characters that appear in most of the marketing), so I suppose I can’t fault the movie too much for having a focus and a message.
Although, funnily enough, prancing around Los Angeles in Lil’ Nas X’s Old Town Road drag collection claiming to be the Barbie gets peoples’ attention, so Mattel finds her and takes her back to their headquarters to try to put her back in a box and get her out of their hair. If I’m being honest this scene feels pretty pointless to me. The movie builds up the idea that Mattel could end up being this big antagonist trying to thwart Barbie at every turn, but in the end you could really just write them out and not miss anything except a Will Ferrell performance. One thing we do get out of Mattel’s appearance is the introduction of Ruth (played by Rhea Perlman) who we later learn is the ghost of Ruth Handler, first CEO of Mattel and creator of Barbie (the doll), during a chase scene where Barbie (the character) is trying to escape Mattel executives.
Another thing that comes across in the movie is just how much homework the writers Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach put into this project. They have several different archival Barbie products in this film from discontinued dolls, malfunctioning crapping dogs, sleek pink vehicles, and old flashy outfits, so the inclusion of Barbie(the doll)’s real world creator makes total sense. Not just from a historical perspective, but also from a storytelling one considering the arc that Barbie (the character) goes through during the film about finding herself and discovering who she is. Outside of that though, I just think the side story with the Mattel executives wasn’t even needed in the first place. Kind of like with the discovery of Sasha and Gloria, the movie could’ve had Barbie be drawn to Mattel headquarters because it’s a familiar place to her so she can still have an opportunity to meet Ruth instead of being taken there by executives who then try to catch her throughout the movie which ends up amounting to nothing. Since they also had a joke advertisement play in the movie about a cripplingly depressed Barbie(doll) after Barbie(character) loses all hope, they could’ve done the same thing with Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House. It would’ve helped keep the movie a bit more focused while still showing how Barbie Land and the real world are interconnected.
Since Mattel failed to catch their most popular doll, Barbie makes it back to Barbie Land with the help of Sasha and Gloria only to find it in complete disarray since Ken and the rest of the Kens have now taken over. Each Barbie that was in charge before is now brainwashed to be a smiling trophy by every Ken’s side handing him brewsky beers whenever he wants. I want to be mad at this, but at the same time I just really like Ken and feel good that he finally managed to give himself a voice. In the end though yes, it is very bad and uncomfortably similar to reality. Barbie also realizes this, but instead of doing something she decides to give up. What a role model. Sasha agrees with me since this prompts her and Gloria to pack up and leave, but uh-oh, there’s an Allan in the backseat! Allan (played by Michael Cera) tells Sasha and Gloria about his plan to leave Kendom before it gets sealed away from the real world forever by the almighty power of brick walls. Trump would be proud. It’s here that Sasha has a somewhat sporadic change of heart and she convinces her mom and Allan to go back to Kendom to save it. I’m still not entirely sure what prompts her to make this decision, it’s a bit unclear, but this movie needs a final act so let’s just go with it.
At Weird Barbie’s Weird House we find what’s left of the Barbie resistance, including existential crisis Barbie that we left behind earlier, and Gloria makes a big feminist speech about how difficult it is to be a woman in the real world. This is definitely where the movie goes back to the feminist arguments that were established earlier by Sasha, which also clues the audience in that this is likely where Sasha got it from, and I especially like how it uses this less as a non-subtle real world statement (though believe me, that’s definitely what it is) and instead to help connect with Barbie on a personal level. It’s in this scene that we realize that dolls are more similar to humans than anyone could’ve thought, even just as symbols representing typical human existence, and also that by explaining all this in the presence of brainwashed Barbies it snaps them out of their stupor. This is both very funny and also makes a lot of sense.
What to do now? Break out all of the brainwashed Barbies and try to reclaim Barbie Land! So with a complicated heist planned out (I know it’s an overused trope, but for me, in-depth plans and heists are just fun to watch play out) they set out to turn the Kens against each other to distract them from voting to overturn Barbie Land’s constitution and forever making it Kendom which is already pretty silly. The Kens also have a big fight with each other using sports equipment which is equally silly and they sing what’s probably my favorite song in the movie: I’m Just Ken. It’s a really fun number, well sung, danceable, and enjoyable to watch. Until they remember, “Oh right, it’s voting day!” But, too late Kens. The Barbies already voted and Barbie Land will remain Barbie Land. Womp-womp.
Everyone’s favorite Ken then storms off into the remains of his Mojo Dojo Casa House where he breaks down and MC (main character) Barbie goes to comfort him. It’s here that the relationship between the two is fully addressed and even Barbie realizes just how much she’s mistreated Ken all this time. He’s completely listless and doesn’t even know who he is. Without his bros and without his best girl Barbie, who is he? It’s always been Barbie and Ken. There’s never been just Ken. Heck, even in the mugshots they got from their first arrest earlier in the movie, the name board Ken holds also says ‘and Ken’, not just ‘Ken’. Does he even exist without Barbie? As you may have guessed I really like this moment as it makes you think a lot about how you viewed the movie up until now yourself. Personally, any movie that can get me to do that gets an extra point. Barbie apologizes to him and reminds him what it means to be yourself. Maybe it’s Barbe and it’s Ken. After thinking about it for a bit, Ken starts to believe it which makes him feel better in the end. Also we’re treated to this shot:
This hoodie has less than a minute of screentime, but it’s still one of the best things in the film.
But wait, Ken got his happy ending, what about Barbie then? What’s her ending? This is when Ruth reappears, it’s officially revealed who she is, and she takes Barbie off to the end of the movie. After all this time trying to go back to being stereotypical Barbie, Barbie is starting to feel like she isn’t Barbie anymore. She’s spent so much time in the real world and more or less experienced what it means to be human. With Ruth’s help, Barbie decides she wants to become human after this long journey. We’re then shown a series of clips from everyday human life to cement Barbie’s transition to personhood over the Billie Eilish song What Was I Made For. Every time I see this scene, I think a lot about what I’m doing with my life and what my purpose is as well which really speaks to the power of this scene.
Once that’s done, we cut back to Los Angeles as Sasha, Gloria, and Gloria’s husband (played by Ryan Piers Williams (don’t worry, he’s not in this long)) are sitting in a car with Barbie as she goes off to some kind of appointment. We then end on the worst joke of the movie where we find out Barbie is getting her first gynecologist appointment. This joke really doesn’t work for me since we see Barbie wearing some pretty professional clothes which made me think at first that she was going to a job interview, but instead the movie wanted to focus on the fact that she actually has a vagina now which is just awkward. Not only that, but since this was so close to that emotional scene of Barbie becoming human in the first place, I feel like it could’ve been thought out much better. Either they could’ve done a softer joke that doesn’t make you feel dirty or just lean into the human empowerment angle and actually have her at a job interview or something. Make her happy to experience something that’s quintessential to human life and not just ha-ha, private parts.
But that aside, I did like this movie quite a bit.
While by no means perfect, I do still have a few problems with it, I think as a whole it works well. Allowing us to have fun with the absurdity of living dolls interacting with humans while also leaving time for addressing real world issues and emotions is genuinely difficult to do, so I have to give the film props for that. Of course this is also not a movie every viewer would enjoy, but I’m sure that for those who would feel most inclined to seek out this movie they would be perfectly satisfied with what they find. If you haven’t seen it, take a look and see for yourself if this is the right kind of movie for you, and by all means post your thoughts in the comments for everyone to read and discuss. If you couldn’t tell by now, I love discussing movies, so you’d be in good company.
For my obligatory rating per each movie I review (minus one) I think I’ll rate this one 4/5 Gothenburgs. If you don’t get it watch the movie and then Google it, I promise it’s funny and makes sense. Totally.
Thanks to commenter SeamuraiLorelai for suggesting this movie!
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Update on Post Schedule
Hello to any and all who have found my website where I post my opinions on movies and whatnot, I have a brief update I would like to give you on the state of my posts for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately my schedule has become considerably more restrictive lately since I’m currently taking a college course which I need to devote more of my energy towards. As a result, I’m not entirely sure when I’ll have time to post my next review, but I will do whatever I can to make sure that there will be one this week. I’m sorry if this update is disappointing to anyone and I’m sorry for not posting this message sooner, but hopefully my next review will make all of us happy.
Since my schedule has become so much tighter, my uploads may also not be as consistent as they were in the past (which still weren’t all that consistent to begin with, but I digress). It’s possible I may post a review on a Wednesday, a Monday, a Friday, I’m still not really sure, but just whenever I have time is when I’ll do it and I’ll try to have time at least once a week. Thank you all for being patient with me and keep watching movies (even if I can’t).
My comments section is always open, and I’ll still be taking into consideration all suggestions that come my way!
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
The only things that are certain in life are taxes, death, and family struggles. Even across several universes, we can’t seem to escape them, so let’s take a closer look this week with Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
Disclaimer:
This post contains some adult content.
One of the main reasons I had avoided this movie at first wasn’t that I thought it wasn’t going to be good, but just that I was getting really burnt out on multiverse movies and shows. While there have been some really good ones that’ve come out in recent years, most notably Spider-Man films, this was a fad that was starting to feel overdone and tiresome for me. But, having heard several things about this film from family, friends, and the Academy Awards, I finally decided it was a good time to give it a look. I loved it. That’s about as plain as I can put it. Everything in this movie just seems to fit together perfectly from each of the separate realities, to all of the hidden visual clues, to the characters and their interactions. When you put it together it all makes for a fun, suspenseful, action-packed, and emotionally powerful experience.
As soon as you think everything that can be done with a genre has been done, a movie like this one comes along to prove to you that there’re plenty more avenues to explore. All the quirky, crazy, funny, heart-pounding avenues that still exist. This is one of the things that I enjoy the most about movies and media in general is how much variety that exists and how many different paths that you can take with ideas that seem exhausted to make them just as fresh as they were when they were first utilized.
With fresh acting, fresh writing, fresh directing, and fresh cinematography, Everything, Everywhere, All at Once is truly an unforgettable experience and one I’m pretty excited to talk about today. So I’ll stop yapping about it so we can verse jump right into it.
Stick on you googly eyes, be careful with your hotdog fingers, and let’s take a look at Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
The opening scene does a good job of introducing an off-putting tone to the film and getting us acquainted with the main problem of the film. We see how our main character Evelyn Wang (played by Michelle Yeoh) is the owner of a failing laundromat that’s in the midst of being audited, her husband Waymond (played by Ke Huy Quan) is trying to serve her divorce papers, her daughter Joy (played by Stephanie Hsu) has distanced herself from her mother, and her father Gong-Gong (played by James Hong) is suffering from dementia and will likely die soon. This is definitely a lot of information to take in at first, and much of it is pretty heavy, but the movie does a very good job of condensing this information into the first 10 minutes of the film without it feeling overwhelming or hard to follow. If anything, the hectic feeling these first 10 minutes have really allows the audience to feel the extent to which Evelyn’s life seems to be crumbling around her. Even if you’re not exactly invested in Evelyn and her family’s struggles just yet, the movie takes its time setting up their situations and giving each character the appropriate amount of time they need to express themselves. Don’t worry, if you aren’t invested now, rest assured you’ll be crying later. I was.
Once at the IRS building, after establishing future plot threads, to discuss their audit, we’re officially introduced to the concept of the multiverse when Waymond starts acting strange in the elevator. He opens his umbrella with bagels on it (specifically bagels because that’ll become important later) to cover up the elevator camera and explain to Evelyn what she needs to do. Of course, nobody has any idea what’s going on, but after Waymond puts some strange devices on Evelyn’s ears, she gets a flashback of her entire life up until now further cementing that what she’s experiencing is actually real. Waymond writes down some instructions for her to follow after the meeting starts and things seem to go back to normal. This will not be the case for the rest of the movie, but that’s partly why I like it so much because it is so frickin’ weird.
Finally at the meeting we’re introduced to the IRS agent that’s been put in charge of Evelyn’s case: Deirdre Beaubeirdre (played by the original scream queen herself, Jamie Lee Curtis (Don’t worry, she’s still got it)). Deirdre doesn’t seem particularly pleased with Evelyn, and also doesn’t seem to be the kind of character who would be particularly pleased with anything, but Evelyn decides to follow Waymond’s instructions while Deirdre is distracted. This causes her to be forced into an alternate reality where instead of going to her scheduled audit appointment, she went into the nearest janitor’s closet where we’re officially introduced to Alpha Waymond who is an alternate version of Waymond but is merely using Prime Waymond’s body to communicate to Evelyn. As it turns out, people from Alpha Waymond’s universe have discovered the ability to jump from universe to universe and experience what their alternate selves are experiencing. In the process though, they’ve uncovered an all-powerful evil called Jobu Tupaki, and it’s up to Evelyn to defeat it.
Yeah, these early scenes of them in the IRS building are the most explain-y portions of the movie, but I kinda forgive it. The main reason being that these explanations are interwoven with what’s taking place back in Evelyn’s prime universe at the audit appointment which makes it more interesting. I say this because Deirdre says to Evelyn in her prime universe that “Nothing is more important than the conversation that we’re having right now” as it seems like Evelyn isn’t paying attention to her, but back in the alternate universe, Alpha Waymond tells her the same thing. Alpha Waymond is ultimately correct, especially if the fate of the multiverse is at stake, but it speaks to the movie’s talent that while I agree with Alpha Waymond the multiverse deserves to be saved, I still was nervous that Evelyn’s audit would get screwed up because of all of this. If the multiverse is literally crumbling due to a supernatural evil, but you still get me to care about complicated fine print, you’re clearly doing something right.
This is an actual still from the movie after Evelyn gets transferred to the alternate universe.
After the multiverse is officially unpacked, Alpha Waymond and Evelyn are attacked by Alpha Deirdre which snaps Evelyn back to her prime universe. Prime Deirdre decides to give Evelyn one last chance to get her crap together, but after the appointment is over, Evelyn sees Deirdre approach her from across the floor. Since Evelyn doesn’t know if this is Alpha Deirdre or Prime Deirdre, she panics and punches her in the face when she gets too close. It turns out it was Prime Deirdre, which means Evelyn dun messed up, so Deirdre calls security on her. When they get there, Alpha Waymond has himself a little chapstick snack (yes, he eats a stick of chapstick) and whoops all of them with his fanny-pack.
Might I also take a second to add that the action in this movie is very well done. It really immerses you in the moment allowing you to feel every hit that ever character takes while also throwing in a little humor on the side. Most of the humor in these scenes are visual gags. Just saying how Alpha Waymond destroyed an entire squad of security guards with a fanny-pack is pretty funny on its own, but there’s also a guy in this movie who gets beaten down with a pair of extra-long, extra-strong dildos. I won’t show you a picture of that. I want to keep this blog. Although, now you definitely have a better idea of what I mean when I say this movie gets pretty weird.
So what have we learned? By doing random weird things you can tap into another universe where you’re a martial arts champion. Well, once Alpha Deirdre shows her face again and tries to attack Evelyn after this bit of fun with the security guards, Evelyn is able to do just that and defeat her with relative ease. Although, this attracts the attention of the dreaded Jobu Tupaki who finally shows herself to our heroes and it’s revealed to be Evelyn’s daughter Joy! Twist! So now Evelyn is forced to make a difficult decision: either save the multiverse and kill her daughter, or spare her daughter and doom the multiverse. Both undesirable in their own ways.
How did this happen? As it turns out, Alpha Evelyn is the one who discovered how to jump from universe to universe and started testing out this technology on younger, more gifted, subjects. One of those subjects that proved to be the most promising was her own daughter Joy whom she pushed to the limit to try to make a breakthrough. Instead she ended up creating Jobu Tupaki, a being who’s unstuck from any universe, can travel freely between all of them, and now will stop at nothing to find the perfect Evelyn. She’s killed every Evelyn she’s come across, including Alpha Evelyn, and now Prime Evelyn shows the most promise.
Along the way, Jobu Tupaki has gotten pretty bored of endless realities, and one day decided to put everything on a bagel. Literally everything. Credit card numbers, pillows, houses, viruses, books, music, clothes, humans, animals, elements, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, you name it. Everything on a bagel, and this is what’s destroying the multiverse: a bagel. See just how surreally funny this movie is? Either way, now that Jobu has discovered her perfect Evelyn, the one who’s the worst version of herself with dozens of dashed dreams and squandered opportunities, Jobu now feels like she has someone she can relate to. So she shows her the bagel.
Upon entering the bagel and seeing…the truth I guess, Evelyn is able to tap into all of the alternate universes she’s connected with up until now and become unstuck herself from all of them, just like Jobu. In these universes, she at first follows Jobu’s example and takes a nihilistic approach to all of them. The thing about Evelyn though is that through the failures she’s experienced in her prime universe, she’s able to pull herself out of the cynicism and apathy and instead find the silver lining in all of it: her family. This is where we get to learn the most about each of her family members and also leads us to the most emotional moments of the movie.
Up first is Waymond and Evelyn’s struggling relationship. The reason why Waymond served Evelyn those divorce papers wasn’t because he actually wanted to divorce her, but because Evelyn is so caught up in her work and other life struggles that she doesn’t pay attention to Waymond unless it’s an emergency. We also see, since Evelyn is now unstuck in the multiverse, in an alternate universe where Evelyn actually rejected Waymond and instead became a professional martial artist for film and TV who makes a ton of money, she eventually meets back up with Waymond at the screening for her new film (funnily enough, the film is just the events of Evelyn’s prime universe playing out in real time). There Waymond wants to try to get back together with Evelyn, but since she knows that in her own universe marrying Waymond led her to the failing laundromat, she rejects him again. She tells him that she doesn’t want to go down that road and doesn’t want to be a failure just doing laundry and taxes all day, but Waymond replies that in another life, even if he or Evelyn aren’t successful or rich, he would’ve loved doing laundry and taxes with her all day just so long as he could be with her.
…Yeah, this is usually where the tears start.
Did you forget Jobu Tupaki is still a thing?! Yeah, because she isn’t having any of this sappy crap and turns all of her forces against Evelyn which is when another important realization is made. This all takes place back in Evelyn’s prime universe where Prime Waymond tells her that he doesn’t want to see anyone fighting anymore, so Evelyn decides to improvise. Instead of fighting, Evelyn chooses to kill her enemies with kindness. One of the notable enemies among the ranks is Alpha Gong-Gong who is now pulling out all the stops to prevent Evelyn from sparing Jobu Tupaki.
I kinda forgot to mention him earlier, but what happened is that Alpha Gong-Gong originally came into play to assist Evelyn in killing Jobu Tupaki, but when Evelyn couldn’t bring herself to kill Joy, Alpha Gong-Gong decided to take Evelyn out of the picture in order to prevent her from potentially becoming influenced by Jobu Tupaki’s bagel (which eventually she did). Alpha Gong-Gong traps Evelyn with his newly constructed mech armor, which this whole moment is also a subtle allusion to how in Evelyn’s prime universe Gong-Gong disowned her for marrying Waymond, and Evelyn tells him off for the first time. Up until now, Gong-Gong has been pretty callous towards his daughter, and this is where Evelyn tells him that she’s not going to let what happened to her happen to Joy. Evelyn is going to be there for her daughter, unlike what her father did for her in her hour of need. This is what convinces Alpha Gong-Gong to come around and help Evelyn save Joy.
Now it’s Joy’s turn, and they go through several different universes to settle their differences, often with armed combat. Evelyn is forced to face every mistake she’s made in Joy’s life and what’s led her to this point in the first place. They also spend some time as rocks. This is one of the universes that exists where the conditions weren’t just right in order for life to form, so the only thing that exists is rocks. It’s in this scene that both Joy and Evelyn relax and realize what’s most important to both of them, and in the process Evelyn does what she can to connect with Joy. It’s weird, but I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt moved by staring at rocks. This moment alone is so silly, cute, and sad at the same time my body physically reacts to it every time I see it.
The context of the movie is what makes it sad.
What’s really cool about Evelyn and Joy making amends with each other is that while each of the other scenes involving Evelyn making amends with her family took place across universes, in this case, since Joy is Jobu Tupaki and unstuck from the multiverse, every universe they interact in is relevant to their situation. Literally everything is happening everywhere, all at once in the case of these two characters putting aside their differences. It also gives their connection much more of a dramatic weight and helps us as the audience feel for them all the more.
Eventually Joy caves in and instead of giving herself over to the bagel, she finds herself comfortable in her family’s arms again. This results in the fractured multiverse being restored and Jobu Tupaki being defeated. Defeated in the sense that she’s once again found peace in her prime universe and her power of swapping between universes at will has been subdued, finally proving that all you have to do to save the world is love people. John Lennon was right.
After things are restored, we get a brief denouement involving the family going back to the IRS building the following day to finish filing the necessary paperwork with Deirdre. The fate of our characters is uncertain after the end of the film since it ends rather abruptly with Deirdre asking Evelyn if she’s paying attention and the credits rolling, but the impact this film will have on you is certainly going to be a lasting one.
Even after only seeing this film a handful of times for this review, I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Sure some of the storytelling tropes in this film are a bit standard, but to me that only becomes a problem if nothing new is done with it. In my opinion, this movie takes things such as family struggle tropes, multiverse tropes, sci-fi adventure tropes, and action tropes and combines them in a way that’s unique, unexpected, unforgettable, and surreally creative. The average viewer that comes into the cinema to see this movie is likely not expecting to see all of these elements together in the same movie which is what gives this movie as much staying power as it has.
Taking the writing and storytelling tropes out of the picture, there are still several elements in this movie to appreciate. The acting is on point, the camerawork is stunning, the editing and effects are mind-blowing, the stunts are a spectacle, and the characters are disgustingly relatable and likable. Surely a film like this is bound to become a film history classic in this and every other universe, and if you’re looking for a film for this weekend movie night, look no further than Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
For my obligatory rating that I give each film and show I review (except one), this will be my first time awarding a movie a 5/5 googly rocks, because you know what…
.
.
.
This movie rocks.
Thank you to commenter KyrionKrackle for suggesting this movie!
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Water, Earth, Fire, Air. It all comes together in the original series that won over so many people to defeat evil, so yip-yip your way into this one with me this week!
Disclaimer:
SPOILERS!!!!
To be honest, this review kinda started as an accident. I never intended to watch this show for a review this week, but my sister who’d been away in Japan for a year-and-a-half came back. Since my usual review system is to watch whatever it is I’m reviewing on my big-screen TV I didn’t want to bother my sister with my nonsense, so I decided to watch something that was watchable on my phone instead. On top of that, I had been reminded earlier last week that I’ve been needing to watch this show on account of all of the praise I’ve heard people give it over the years, so I decided to give it a go. Needless to say, I can see why people love it.
When I was a kid I had a very weak reason for not wanting to watch this show, but now I see how layered, well-written, beautifully animated, and charmingly acted it is. For a show that was made for kids it feels much more like it was made for adults first and kids second. Its characters are deep and complex, its worldbuilding simple yet interesting, and its story a wonderful balance between fun, suspenseful, dark, and humorous. Of course it’s no stranger to corny or awkward moments like any other project, but on the whole, it is a very fun ride that I strongly recommend. There’s a lot of show to cover, so I’ll cut this intro here and get right to it.
Let’s see what happens when you blend late 90s anime and late 90s American cartoons with Avatar: The Last Airbender.
“Water, Earth, Fire, Air. Long ago the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang. And although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world.”
Yeah, I know I just took the intro narration from every episode, but can you blame me, it’s the perfect intro to this show as it’s concise, easy to follow, and basically the entire story in six sentences. Two siblings, Katara and Sokka (played by Mae Whitman and Jack De Sena), find a boy named Aang (played by Zach Tyler Eisen) frozen in a block of ice near their home when they’re out hunting. Katara and Sokka are members of the Southern Water Tribe which is located at the South Pole of this world whose specialty is, of course, waterbending. Although, the only waterbender left in the village is Katara as the rest were hunted down by the Fire Nation while her brother Sokka takes after his father and serves as the tribe’s head warrior. Their father left before the show began to face the Fire Nation directly after their mother was killed in an attack on their tribe, and the show does not shy away from this at all. In fact, there’s even an episode that takes place in the third season where Katara finds the man who killed her mother and nearly kills him too. This show can get legit hardcore when it wants to.
But, this isn’t the best representation of her character as a whole, because Katara is actually a wise, motherly type figure in the show amongst our group of rag-tag heroes. Since she lost her mother growing up, she fell into the parental role by default and came into her own, becoming strong and disciplined as a result. This doesn’t mean she’s a total stick in the mud either. While she can be a bit of a stickler for rules, she is still kind, loving, and likable. This also doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to have fun. On her journey she loosens up, learns many lessons, and also becomes one of the most powerful waterbenders in the world. So much so that she can control the blood in another person’s body and dictate their actions like a puppet master. It’s pretty freaking badass. She’s pretty freaking badass.
Besides Katara, Sokka is the designated comic relief of the show. Wisecracking and charismatic while also sarcastic, he’s easily one of the most outwardly funny characters in the show. Each of the characters have their funny moments, but Sokka is the one cracking jokes the most often. Unlike comic relief characters in modern Disney films, Sokka has more personality outside of just ‘the joker’. He can be sensitive, shy, uptight, calculating, critical, and even prejudiced. Throughout the course of the show though, he does go through his own arc where he learns how to become the best warrior he can and follow in his father’s footsteps, understand things from other people’s point of view, and figure out his rightful place by his friends’ sides.
And of course, there’s also Aang, who is naturally, the Avatar. In terms of the show, he’s the one who is destined to master the four bending disciplines, defeat the leader of the Fire Nation, Fire Lord Ozai (played by Mark Hamill), and save the world. I know, tale as old as time, but I think the show makes it work well in this context. Aang is accompanied by his best friend Appa the Flying Bison (played by Dee Bradley Baker) who also was frozen in the same iceberg Aang was. While Appa can be funny and cute in his own way, he’s mostly a quick escape generator. Other than that, I was actually a bit surprised by how much character Aang has. When I first started watching I thought he would succumb to the dreaded main-character syndrome which causes characters to be bland and uninteresting, but Aang is truly bursting with personality. He’s energetic, fun-loving, free-spirited, yet still serious, emotional, and down-to-earth when he needs to be. It’s his story that really keeps you invested and you’re with him for every step of the journey.
But with a show like this, we need a villain. Yes of course our big baddie is Fire Lord Ozai, but for the majority of this show, Aang and his team are being hunted down by Ozai’s son, Prince Zuko (played by Dante Basco). Zuko is a troubled character desperately trying to earn back his honor which he lost at the hands of his father. Ozai banished his son from the Fire Nation and burned half of his face off for speaking out of turn. Pretty heavy. While on his mission to recover the Avatar and try to get daddy’s love, Zuko is flanked by his uncle General Iroh (played by Mako) who offers him sage wisdom and tries to help him navigate the narrow line Zuko finds himself on between good and evil. Eventually Zuko, with the help of his uncle Iroh, chooses the path of good and helps Aang and his friends to defeat his father, but that isn’t until the third and final season. The show does a great job of making Zuko’s transformation from evil to good believable and realistic by depicting him doing several evil and good things (since he’s also the renegade named ‘The Blue Spirit’ secretly helping the Avatar), tearing himself apart mentally over which path he should choose, making us feel for his and his uncle’s relationship, and showing how little his former enemies are willing to trust him once he decides to switch sides.
The show also has a special way of showing how the hero Aang and the villain Zuko are similar by tying their motivations together. We find out in the show that once Aang discovered that he was the Avatar 100 years prior to when the show takes place, he couldn’t take the pressure and decides to run away with Appa which is when he eventually gets lost at sea and trapped in the iceberg. Aang still feels a lot of guilt about that part of his past, and we find out that ultimately he and Zuko are fighting for the same reason: redemption. Zuko wants to redeem himself to his father by capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor, and Aang wants to redeem himself to the world by mastering the four elements and restoring peace. Another interesting little tidbit further hammering home that Aang and Zuko are two sides of the same coin is the first letter of their names. A and Z, the first and last letters of the alphabet. Maybe a bit silly, but still kinda cool to me.
For a show that’s as long as it is, it doesn’t feel like it has any filler either. Some moments in Avatar: The Last Airbender come close to feeling like filler, but the vast majority of the episodes feel well crafted and intentional to the story. To give the show a bit more tension and to keep things moving forward, it presents the idea of this comet called ‘Sozin’s Comet’ named after the Fire Lord who discovered it. When it travels across the planet, it endows firebenders with unfathomable power that can allow the Fire Lord to destroy the world. As a result, the show always has every episode moving some aspect of the story forward, even if it is just character development, to prevent the Fire Lord from carrying out his evil plans. Even some characters that may seem like throwaway characters in the moment eventually come back into the story in meaningful ways to impact the outcome of the battle with the Fire Lord which is really cool. Imagine if the same thing happened in something like Bleach and all of the Bounts that survived came back in the Arrancar Arc to either help the protagonists or join forces with the antagonists, it would actually feel like those characters had a reason for existing.
Eventually after a long game of cat-and-mouse between Zuko and our heroes, we end season one at the North Pole where the Northern Water Tribe resides, Katara and Aang have honed their waterbending skills, and Sokka’s new girlfriend Princess Yue (played by Johanna Braddy) sacrifices herself to restore the source of the waterbenders’ power, the Moon Spirit. Which is a fish. For some reason. Yeah, this is one of the few moments when the show doesn’t explain what really should be explained. It is a pretty emotional moment when Yue dies though, because despite only being together for a few episodes, Sokka and Yue have a totally believable chemistry together and you want to see them happy. Not only that, but Yue’s death has a lasting effect on Sokka throughout the rest of the show and even hurts some of his prospective relationships down the line which makes their lost love so much more impactful.
Then at the end of the first season we’re introduced to the series’ greatest secondary threat after Zuko, his sister: Princess Azula (played by Grey DeLisle). This birch…is completely f***ing insane. And I kinda love her for that. I’d even go so far as to say she’s a better Disney villain than every modern Disney twist villain in existence. She’s crafty, she’s manipulative, she’s cold, she’s heartless (even to her own brother), and gives me the creeps every time she’s on screen. So many times while I was watching this show I found myself thinking ‘Please let this be the episode she gets her ass beat’ and it doesn’t happen. Azula survives, escapes, and lives to fight another day for two whole seasons making the build up and payoff to her eventual defeat at the end of the third season both satisfying and uncomfortable at the same time. I really thought I’d be happier seeing her chained to a sewer grate absolutely humiliated, but she found a way to make it weird.
“My own mother thought I was a monster.” [Pause] “She was right of course, but it still hurt.” - Azula
We also are introduced to her entourage which includes the circus performer Ty Lee (played by Olivia Hack) and the consistently disinterested Mai (played by Cricket Leigh). Both of these girls have their own unique skill sets and personalities which helps them stand out even if they're not on screen for very long during an episode, and helps us to identify with them as well. Only in the third season do we start to delve into the backstories of these two, even if it is just a bit, but it does make us feel for them more. We also discover that Mai and Zuko had a bit of a relationship together and his constant flip-flopping between sides only complicates their relationship further. Between Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai, I personally thought Mai was the least interesting of the three, but when I found this out about her, I grew to like her a bit more. Also her completely apathetic mood towards everything makes her and Zuko a perfect fit for each other, which also makes their partnership all the more believable considering their personalities are so similar.
Then worse comes to worst when Aang and his friends run out of time since Sozin’s Comet finally arrives and Fire Lord Ozai becomes imbued with the powers of a fire god and starts to destroy the world. What makes this moment even more impactful is that the Fire Lord actually was never seen in this show until the beginning of season three. Up until then he had been kept in the shadows never showing his face which helped build him up as this gigantic obstacle for our heroes to overcome, which he is. Then as soon as he was revealed, while he wasn’t deformed or distorted like a monster, he was still imposing, clearly strong, and intimidating. We’re also finally made aware of his plan which is that he wants to destroy the other three nations of the world (Water, Earth, and Air) as it’s his firmly held belief that the world can only be at peace under the rule of Fire, which only he can deliver to them. He also can’t help but smile unsettlingly as he reduces everything in his path to ashes which only makes him even creepier.
As the final battle between him and Aang begins, the tension is set to maximum from the very beginning with so many elements all working against Aang in this one moment. Aang has been able to work with all four elements up until now, but he hasn’t mastered all of them. Aang has a powerful Avatar form that he’s unable to activate after one of his run-ins with Azula at the end of season two. Also I’ve already mentioned how Sozin’s Comet is buffing Ozai to hacker levels, so it looks like Aang and his friends are very much screwed from the start. During this four part mega-climax to this series, I was constantly on the edge of my seat wondering if our characters would make it out okay. Oddly enough for a kid’s show, it has a surprisingly high body count which kept me thinking that the characters I’ve grown to love up until now are all on the chopping block.
Unsurprisingly though, each of them do make it to see the ending, even the extraneous characters, and the day is saved since Ozai unknowingly reactivates Aang’s Avatar form by smacking him into a rock at just the right angle. Kinda forced, but it does lead to a great finale. Aang, through some of the best bending animation in the show uses all four elements to nearly destroy Ozai. It’s also been a big thing up until this point about Aang not wanting to kill anyone, so he ends up sparing Ozai, but instead takes his bending away through a process that was only made aware to him a few episodes prior by a giant lion turtle. That sounds really stupid when I say it like that, but…no I got nothing.
But it looks awesome!
After that, each of our characters gets their proper send-off before the conclusion. Zuko gets crowned Fire Lord, Katara and Aang get together, Sokka and his warrior girlfriend Suki (played by Jennie Kwan), who I didn’t get to mention until now because this show has so many layers that I can’t go over all of it in a review like this, get together, Iroh retires with other characters I couldn’t delve into in this short review, and everyone lives happily ever after until M. Night Shyamalan says “I know what this story needs: crap!”
It was honestly staggering to me how much I enjoyed this series, and just thinking about it still gets me excited for what kids show creators can give us in the future as far as story, character, and animation is concerned. So far we’ve seen many people innovate with shows such as Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, The Owl House, Amphibia, Star Versus the Forces of Evil, Regular Show, Adventure Time, and many more, and I’m sure there’ll be more to come, but I can’t help but wonder if this show was one of the turning points in kids animation history. Not to deny that there were brilliant kids shows that came before this series including several Disney Afternoon and Fox Kids shows such as Gargoyles, X-Men, and Batman: The Animated Series just to name a few. What I mean though is that I think Avatar was the turning point for kids shows in the 2000s to start experimenting with kids storytelling and drama to create a new wave of complexity for a new generation. We see nowadays so many kids shows having deep character studies, simple yet breathtaking animation, and several layers of worldbuilding which are all present in Avatar as well.
As you may have noticed if you’ve seen the show, there were clearly a lot of things from the story that I cut out in this review to keep it easily digestible for the sake of a blog post. So much so that I didn’t even get to mention Toph Beifong (played by Michaela Jill Murphy), one of the major players introduced in season two who is also one of the most beloved of them all amongst fans! She’s also just really awesome since she’s a master earthbender who ends up teaching Aang and travelling with his group despite being born blind. In fact, it’s because of her blindness that she’s as good at earthbending as she is, since she uses the vibrations in the ground to not only connect herself to her surroundings allowing her to ‘see’, but also further immerse herself in her style of bending which makes her practically unbeatable.
There are so many other aspects of this show that I could go into more detail about such as the Avatar’s reincarnation process and past Avatars such as Avatar Roku and Avatar Kyoshi, Aang’s long lost friend Bumi and his connection to Iroh through the Order of the White Lotus, the village that took inspiration from former Avatar Kyoshi and uses her legacy to continue honoring her with the Warriors of Kyoshi whom Sokka’s aforementioned girlfriend Suki is a member of, Commander/Admiral Zhao of the Fire Nation who also served as a secondary antagonist during season one, Sokka and Katara’s father who returns in season two to help his children and Aang on their quest, and so much more, but I just don’t have time.
If you want to talk more about this show, I would be happy to do so, because quite frankly, there is a lot to talk about. Also, it’s totally worth talking about. I’m certainly glad that shows like this exist and continue to inspire people to this day, and hopefully they inspire you as well. If you haven’t seen this show yet, HOW DARE YOU!!! You clearly saw that there were spoilers in this review and you read it anyway! Shame! (It’s okay, just joking) Even if you haven’t seen the show yet, like I said before, there’s still a lot in this review I didn’t talk about and still a lot to discover, and I promise you, it’s worth it if you have the time. When you get back I will happily discuss this show with you, and we can all enjoy some ripe cabbages together.
While I do really love this show, I can’t say it’s flawless, although it does do a wonderful job of knowing just how much suspension of disbelief its audience is willing to give it for the sake of making the story work. It does rely on some storytelling tactics (deus ex machina specifically) a bit too much, but if you are able to look past that, you will still find a show with endless creativity and passion for artistry in the end. Because of that I can’t rate this show perfectly, but I will still give it a 4.5/5 Tophs since it is very close to perfect storytelling and I still feel guilty for not talking about Toph earlier.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies/shows, I do not make them)
(Yet)
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Alternate title: What Skye Aspires to Be, this is a film that reminds us of the values of the simple pleasures in life and what constitutes an unhealthy work environment.
Disclaimer:
This review contains adult content.
In case you didn’t figure that out given the title of the movie.
This was certainly an interesting film choice to review here given the subject matter and the fact that I’m an asexual person and actually couldn’t care less if I have sex or not, but don’t blame me, blame my ridiculously skewed randomizer app which picked this movie for me. Darn technology.
Given that intro you may think that I didn’t enjoy this film, but honestly I thought it worked reasonably well for what it was trying to accomplish. A simple, lighthearted comedy based on the simple premise of getting your middle-aged coworker a friend with benefits. Despite what it’s trying to be as well, I think it also manages to be more clever than some people may notice upon first viewing (myself included). It has a very casual slice-of-life feel which makes the moments in it feel more real and believable and elevates the comedy to a higher level as well. Would I go so far as to say this is a comedic classic, no, but what works in this movie does really work and keeps your interest. I never had a moment while watching this where I felt bored, and much like how I mentioned two reviews ago when I looked at Everything’s Gonna Be Okay, the realism is definitely the best part of the whole thing for me. There’s a lot of movie to get through, so let’s just jump right in.
Grab your big box of pornography and your two bags of sand (Why two? You know why), and let’s take a look at The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Naturally we spend most of the movie focused on a group of coworkers working in an electronics store called Smart Tech where we meet our cast of characters. Our protagonist and 40-Year-Old Virgin is Andy (played by Steve Carrell), and he works alongside Jay (played by Romany Malco), Cal (played by Seth Rogen), David (played by Paul Rudd), Paula (played by Jane Lynch), Mooj (played by Gerry Bednob), and Haziz (played by Shelley Malil). I firmly believe that most of what makes the relationships between these people seem genuine is that each of the actors were allowed to improvise a large portion of their lines and this is also where much of the comedy comes from. Oddly enough, I think when it comes to the actual scripted jokes in the movie, they’re the ones that aren’t quite as good as the off-the-cuff jokes from the actors. Not to say that they’re bad, but that they just don’t seem to fit well with the other jokes in the movie given the genre and tone. In the end they come across as just the slightest bit off.
After it’s discovered by his coworkers that Andy is a virgin, David tells him that he shouldn’t be worried about sex, and also shouldn’t think about it. What follows after is a sequence of Andy walking along a street where there are several attractive women he can’t help but stare at, a magazine stand with covers all featuring attractive and some even topless women, only to then be followed by a bus very explicitly advertising an aphrodisiac on the side of it which keeps pace with Andy for about a block, until finally he runs across two dogs in a park ‘playing’ with each other. To me, yes it is kinda funny, but it is unfortunately a reminder that this whole thing is a movie. I was much more comfortable imagining this whole scenario taking place in a real person’s life and them facing both the tough and funny implications of it, and this scene feels less like that and more like a ‘movie’ moment only because it is very clearly scripted.
I’d also just like to get this off my chest real quick, while I’m not usually one to discuss movie theories, this is spooky:
You see, it makes sense because they both love toys! He grew up, went to college, became live-action, and never had sex. Any other movies from your childhood you’d like for me to ruin, let me know in the comments.
Aside from that, the story plays out very organically like how each of Andy’s coworkers in turn try to help him in his pursuit of the elusive ‘pussy’ which is the majority of what our time is spent on in the first third of the film. Jay gives Andy the most dude-bro tips you can imagine by showing him around the bar scene explaining how to use his ‘instincts’ to land drunk bitches (his words, not mine), Cal has more smooth moves by explaining to Andy that women only want to talk about themselves so all he should do is ask them questions and they’ll be interested in him, and David, after noticing Andy is still in a rut, gifts him his gigantic box of porn on the off-chance he would still like to experience climaxing even if he doesn’t have a partner.
One thing you may notice about all of these people is that I probably wouldn’t be friends with any of them in real life. The point behind these characters though isn’t to make them PC and likable, it’s to make them believable and humorous. While I wouldn’t be friends with any of these people in real life, they are funny to watch which should be what the focus is in a comedy. The ‘You Know How I Know You’re Gay?’ bit, while not a conversation I’d enjoy having with any of my friends, is still very funny to watch. I don’t know why, I can’t help but laugh every time I see it just because Seth Rogen’s and Paul Rudd’s improv is so believable. Although some of the jokes in this movie really haven’t aged well, such as the one about the trans prostitute. Really uncomfortable. Yeah Seth, it sounds like you’ll need to play in Big Mouth to make up for this.
Beyond that though, I also like how from a story standpoint it’s nonverbally expressed that what’s going on is Andy wants something different than his coworkers. Jay, Cal, and David are all ultimately wanting Andy to have sex of course, but the thing is that Andy really wants somebody to love like Freddie Mercury. Also, as an asexual person, I can guarantee you that sex and love are not the same thing. What works pretty well about the pacing of this movie as well is that at around the time you might be noticing this disconnect is when a new character enters the picture in the form of Trish (played by Catherine Keener). She just so happens to be a character that finds herself attracted to Andy and both Steve Carrell and Catherine Keener play so well off of each other that I truly believe they’re made for each other. In every scene they’re together you can just feel how similar their personalities are, what Trish likes about Andy, what Andy likes about Trish, and what makes them want to make this relationship work. Part of this may be due to the fact that Catherine Keener hadn’t acted in many comedies at the time and in fact was only just coming off of two very dramatic roles in The Ballad of Jack and Rose and The Interpreter, so you feel her dedication to the craft every time she’s on screen. Also, she is pretty funny. The argument she has with her daughter Marla (played by Kat Dennings) later in the movie always makes me laugh.
What really gives Andy and Trish more time to be cute in the movie is when their first date goes horribly wrong once it gets to them having sex at Trish’s house and her kids walk in on them. After this bit of embarrassment, both Andy and Trish agree that they don’t need to have sex in order to be happy together prompting Andy to propose that they won’t even think about it until after they’ve had 20 dates together. This leads to a montage of the two of them spending time together and just generally enjoying each other’s company which always makes me smile, because if I’m being honest, it’s these kinds of moments I always think about when I think of two people in love.
Eventually though, we’re forced to get to the difficult part of when the 20th date finally comes and naturally Andy screws it all up when his insecurities bubble to the surface which results in a big fight between him and Trish. I have to admit that I’m a bit torn on this moment. While I do acknowledge that I believe these characters would do this kind of thing at this point given what I know about them, it is still a third act breakup which you of course know isn’t going to stick and these characters will patch things up and get back together in the end. On the other hand though, it does result in the best comedic payoffs of the movie in my opinion.
What follows is Andy riding off on his bike in a blind rage to go drinking until he meets up with the girl he saw in the previous scene when Cal was giving him his ‘ask them questions’ tip. Her name is Beth (played by Elizabeth Banks) and she is horny so she takes Andy back to her place for a little fun. When they start getting busy, Andy takes his shirt off to reveal that his waxing job is still on point which is a pretty funny reveal since at this point in the movie I had completely forgotten this had happened earlier so it was a bit of a fun surprise to see that again.
You look like a Man-o-lantern. -David
Soon Beth goes to the bathroom and starts masturbating in the tub with a shower hose which makes the audience and Andy very uncomfortable, so of course he has a change of heart and goes to leave when he finds that apparently his friends (Jay, Cal, and David) are waiting for him in the other room. They say in the movie that one of them still had a key to the apartment from when they lived there in the past, but it wasn’t established in the movie previously so it’s a bit forced, although it is still funny to see Andy go to leave just to see his friends casually observing his sex life. Why are they there though? As it turns out, they were just as concerned for Andy’s relationship with Trish as he was as soon as he realized Beth was creepy. What’s nice about this is how it shows that each of these characters has their own mini arcs which end up coming together by this last scene here, even if Cal does end up sleeping with Beth in the end.
Andy bikes his way back to his place where Trish is already waiting for him and our comedic payoffs start popping off in earnest now. Funny thing, Trish found the big box of porn which David never took back and of course she’s not happy about it. To clarify as well, before Andy’s first date with Trish, Cal advised him to remove everything embarrassing from his place before she came to pick him up, so when she got there his front room was completely empty. As an explanation, Andy says he’s getting carpet put in. In this later scene where Trish is rummaging through his things, she whispers to herself “You didn’t get carpet put in”, as she realizes he lied to her which is also pretty funny. There’s also this running joke throughout the film that people believe Andy is a serial killer since he’s such a polite quiet loner, so here Trish also starts to believe Andy is a sexual deviant and/or trying to kill her. She also mistakes a Mentos for a roofi drug which is pretty funny. The only one of these jokes that’s forced to me is when Trish finds a model vagina that had appeared in one of the previous scenes when Andy took Trish’s daughter Marla to a birth control clinic to get information which ended up being more educational for Andy than Marla. Why it seems forced is because we never actually saw Andy take the model vagina, we just saw him dismantle it and poorly reassemble it at the clinic so I feel like this is more of a continuity error.
Easily one of the best jokes in this portion of the movie for me is essentially the realization that all of the tips that Jay, Cal, and David had given Andy up to this point weren’t helpful at all. In fact, they were completely useless. We see in this scene how all of the tips they’ve given him up until now have actually done more to hurt his sex life as opposed to help it. Granted we were already kinda seeing that throughout the course of the movie in real time, but here is when they truly become apparent. All of the tips Andy’s been given have had some hand in destroying his reputation with Trish at this point from the box of porn, the sowing multiple seeds with different women so it’s more likely you’ll get a request for sex, to the manscaping, all of it has damaged his image with Trish. This is why this part is the funniest of the movie to me, because it also makes all of the previous scenes feel like they were building to something which is great for a self-contained movie.
Of course with discovery after discovery, Trish can’t take it anymore and she speeds off in her car with Andy chasing after on his bike. This scene doesn’t take very long and ends up amounting to a flip stunt with Andy crashing through two billboards being carried on a semi truck (funnily enough advertising the same aphrodisiac on the bus earlier) and landing on his back in front of Trish’s car. Naturally Trish gets out, Andy finally admits he’s a virgin, they make up and live happily ever after. This is another of those moments which feels especially moviesque which makes it feel more off. Another one of those reminders that the people you’re watching are in fact actors playing roles and not two people coming to terms with their shortcomings in real time. I know every movie, scratch that, every story needs a climax, but it needs to be one that matches the tone of the story. That’s where this scene fell flat for me.
In the end Andy and Trish get married and actually end up consummating it! It feels genuine and properly goofy as they don’t shy away from the fact that Andy is of course inexperienced and ends up tapping out too early until it cuts to 2 hours later when Trish is completely exhausted and Andy’s still riding the ‘Just Lost My Virginity’ high.
After all is said and done, we end up having a musical number to end out the film where each of the notable characters in the story show up to sing the song Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In by The 5th Dimension which I think is fun and done pretty well, but I do have a bit of a gripe. Given the subject matter of the story, couldn’t they have done Like a Virgin? It would’ve made so much sense, especially considering that song was also originally written to be sung by a man and also would’ve been perfectly goofy and odd and in keeping with the ending they went with anyway, but either way that’s the whole story.
When I first watched this movie I had this attitude about me that was like “Oh yeah, I’m totally above this material”, you know, really arrogant and pretentious, although after having seen this movie several times for the sake of this review, I’ve learned to appreciate a lot of the little touches and small moments that do appear in the film which allow me to enjoy it more. For what it wants to be, I think it accomplishes it well. I will reiterate what I said at the beginning of this review as well that I don’t necessarily think this film is a comedic classic, but for movie lovers who’re in the mood for a good laugh and/or a relatable experience, this definitely isn’t a bad choice. I can assure you there are certainly many worse choices to make when it comes to comedy, and I’m sure this’ll at least get some laughs out of you even if it is dated.
Despite the socially unconscious moments that take place in the movie, as an LGBTQ+ person myself (who doesn’t speak for the whole community but just wants to offer her own opinion), while the scenes that do appear in this movie that are derogatory can be painful, they’re at least brief and few, and there are many other fun moments in the movie to balance it out if you’re willing to look past them.
One of the things that serves as the perfect summary for this film for me is the audio commentary. After watching and listening to the commentary track for the movie, while there is some discussion of what the process was for creating scenes and coming up with ideas, most of the track has the attitude of just “Sure, let’s make a movie” which is the exact casual attitude I would expect for a movie like this to have. This attitude permeates throughout every line read, every scene, every camera angle in this movie and it’s easily what gives it its signature charm.
For my usual film rating that I give out to each of the movies I’ve reviewed so far (except one), I’d like to rate this movie 3.5/5 Kelly Clarksons.
So if you’ve never seen it, feel free to turn off the lights, light some candles, turn your demon statuettes around, and settle down with The 40-Year-Old Virgin for your weekend movie night this week.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who only talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Galaxy Quest
Hope you’re excited for lots of awkwardness and bad effects, because it doesn’t get any better than that in Galaxy Quest.
So it’s come to this. My first bad one. It was bound to happen at one point or another, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen quite this soon. Without any dillydallying from me, let’s just get right into it before I find some excuse to get out of it. Although, before I get started on the movie itself, I wanna talk about a common storytelling trope: the ‘Liar Revealed’.
This is a kind of storytelling trope almost as old as storytelling itself dating back to the Brothers Grimm’s The Brave Little Tailor where the protagonist(s) are believed to be something or someone they’re not by the other characters. They follow through with the lie either out of selfishness or some strongly held personal belief until they’re eventually caught in the lie causing the other characters to be hurt and reprimand the protagonist(s). Ultimately this causes the protagonist(s) to have a change of heart and the obvious lesson is learned that the protagonist(s) with their own unique set of skills were more than enough to save the day.
Some stories have utilized this trope well (Aladdin), while others have utilized it abysmally (Bushwhacked). Over the years it’s been proven that it’s much easier for screenwriters to utilize this trope abysmally than adequately, and this movie…utilizes it.
More than anything, this movie leans too hard into the trope to the point where everything that’s portrayed in it just becomes tired and predictable. What makes it more difficult to stomach for me is the fact that it’s supposed to be a comedy and the thing about comedy is that when it’s predictable it’s not funny. So many of the jokes in this film are just awkward and even uncomfortable to watch along with its terrible visual effects, but we’ll get to that when we get to that, and it all comes together to create an unfortunate mess of a movie. There’s a lot to get through and by Grabthar’s hammer I’mma do it.
Everyone set your phasers from stun to kill and let’s get right into Galaxy Quest. Whee…
To clarify some stuff up front, the film centers around actors of a television show called Galaxy Quest (Not the movie, but the show within the movie) and these actors are eventually mistaken for the characters they portray on the television show by a race of aliens called the Thermians who are under threat from an alien menace named Sarris (played by Robin Sachs). It’ll probably be a bit difficult to follow at first but if you stick with me I promise I’ll do my best to explain it clearly. So our cast of characters are Jason Nesmith (played by Tim Allen) who is the main actor on the show Galaxy Quest who plays the commander of the ship the NSEA Protector named Peter Quincy Taggert. With me so far? Okay, let’s keep going. Our supporting characters are Gwen DeMarco (played by Sigourney Weaver) who plays Lieutenant Tawny Madison, Alexander Dane (played by Alan Rickman) who plays Dr. Lazarus, Fred Kwan (played by Tony Shalhoub) who plays Tech Sgt. Chen, Tommy Webber (played by Daryl Mitchell) who plays Laredo, and Guy Fleegman (played by Sam Rockwell) who plays expendable crewman #6. Did you get all that? Yeah you did.
It’s clear that the Galaxy Quest TV show is heavily based on Star Trek with more heavy influences from Star Trek: The Next Generation as opposed to Star Trek: The Original Series. Given this as their inspiration, one of the things I was asking myself as I watched this was how much funnier this film could’ve been if it had actually written the story around the actors from the Star Trek: The Next Generation show. They could’ve had Patrick Stewart coming to grips with being thrust into a commanding role on a ship he had been supposedly in charge of for years while Brent Spiner could’ve been trying to act emotionless in a fantastical alien setting which would constantly test his acting skills and Gates McFadden could’ve been haphazardly trying to BS her way through medical school in real time.
Naturally you also wouldn’t have to set up their characters either because they’ve clearly been established for several years at this point, many people recognize them and understand their unique personalities and also would enjoy laughing at the absurd situation they find themselves in. This would also help the movie feel less run-of-the-mill and standard despite still sticking to the ‘Liar Revealed’ trope. The meta-ness in this setup would also help keep the audience invested and itching to see what happens next whether it be hilarious or terrifying. Heck, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare did this in a way that was clever, unique, and of course meta as heck which also pleased audiences well enough. Why couldn’t this movie have done the same? Well, instead of doing that clever idea, we instead are stuck with these jerkoffs we’ve never seen before and don’t care about in the slightest.
With that being said, let’s discuss the characters. Taking away each of their cookie-cutter character arcs (Oh, alliteration), they’re acted in a way that’s in no way memorable or fun with possibly the exception of Alan Rickman as Alexander Dane. The main thing about his character is that he’s embarrassed to have been on the Galaxy Quest TV show and is forced to repeat the same catch-phrase over and over again instead of moving on to more challenging and mature material. I’m fully convinced that Alan Rickman wasn’t playing Alexander Dane so much as he was just playing himself. Being a classically trained Shakespearean theatre actor forced to play in Galaxy Quest against his will, I can’t fault good casting. Outside of that, practically everyone else is bland, off, or unfunny.
Tim Allen is basically just doing his Tim Allen thing of being cast as an oblivious weirdo who goes through the formulaic arc of gaining a personality by the end so nothing about him really stands out. Tony Shalhoub as Fred Kwan is probably the weirdest of the bunch because nothing his character says sounds natural or genuine. Everything he says just sounds like he’s making up a book report in front of the whole class. Both Sam Rockwell as Guy Fleegman and Daryl Mitchell as Tommy Webber are the ones the script cruelly decided to hand the most unfunny lines to. Since Guy is the character that’s supposed to die in every episode of the show, his character is just constantly paranoid about dying in space which can get annoying and old pretty quick. Then there’s Tommy who I think they could’ve done a lot more in terms of comedy being that he started out on the show as a child actor essentially being this universe’s version of Wil Wheaton/Wesley Crusher, but no. Instead, most of his comedic moments just involve him squealing in some way or another. Everything both of these characters say is either awkward or obnoxious.
Then there’s Sigourney Weaver as Gwen DeMarco. I know you’re probably thinking “Wow, Skye dedicated a whole paragraph to her so she must be really bad,” but honestly no. While I don’t think she’s the worst of the bunch, I just personally think that the filmmakers did her especially dirty compared to the rest of the actors. Being one of the most recognizable faces in sci-fi history for a very damn good reason, Sigourney Weaver in a comedic role like this one could really have been something hilarious if utilized well. I swear though, every time she was on set she must’ve been directed by M. Night Shyamalan or something because her performance here fits a bit too comfortably next to Mark Wahlberg from The Happening. Practically all of her lines are like a text-to-speech app feeling out human emotions for the first time, and as you probably guessed, they never get a laugh. Not only that, but nowhere in this movie can you find any sort of Alien reference. Nada. Zip. That is such a missed opportunity it’s not even funny, because it’s not funny! Spaceballs had an Alien reference in it and that didn’t even tie into anything. This movie literally has the star of that movie as one of the leads and doesn’t draw attention to it!
I’m not mad, movie…just disappointed…
Quick sidenote, Weaver actually shows more cleavage in Galaxy Quest than she does in Alien. I didn’t think it was technically possible to be more pervy than Ridley Scott.
So we made it through the character section, how’s the story? Well, about as good as you would expect. In the opening, our main protagonist Jason Nesmith is approached by a group of Thermians he doesn’t yet know are Thermians at a Galaxy Quest convention where we discover how there are actually actors in this movie trying to actively destroy it from the inside. Before you say it too, I’m perfectly aware that since the Thermians are aliens they’re not required to speak or act like humans would typically act, but these people act like what would happen if Tommy Wiseau had a lobotomy. They are quite easily the weirdest and most wrong things in the entire movie which I wouldn’t mind as much since this film is a comedy after all so it’s expected for a few things to be exaggerated for the sake of humor, but the thing is that we’re supposed to empathize with them and feel sorry for the situation they find themselves in. It’s kind of hard to take them seriously when they look, sound, and act like children desperately trying to make you laugh by any means necessary.
After that bit of awkwardness we’re blessed to have for the rest of the movie, the Thermian leader Mathesar (played by Enrico Colantoni) take Jason to their ship where we’re officially introduced to the main threat of the film Sarris. Jason, still not fully aware that what’s happening is real, fumbles his way through a peace negotiation and is then sent back home through one of these films’ mind-blowingly unconvincing effects.
Yeah, it’s about time to mention that the effects in this movie are pretty bad. The best one in the movie is probably the pig lizard that comes in briefly on the rock planet, mainly because it’s done practically and moves properly animal-like. Sarris and his crew are also done practically so they’re easily better than the CG effects in the film, but they aren’t crafted in a way that allows them to emote the way they should. In the end it’s kind of disappointing since all the effects artists clearly put a lot of work into them only for Sarris and his crew to move their mouths like glorified hand puppets. The same can not be said for the CG artists. Either they were in a rush or they just didn’t care because it’s legit embarrassing how bad the CGI looks. The rock monster, the cherub aliens, the Thermians’ true forms, the transport pods, all of them look absolutely horrible. There isn’t much else to say about it, they just suck.
Marvel at the possibilities of copy-and-paste in photoshop!
With that out of the way, Jason gets back to Earth and convinces his co-stars to come with him to space and help out the Thermians. In space is when the movie gets the most formulaic in accordance with the ‘Liar Revealed’ setup and they essentially do everything you’d expect them to do. They fumble their way through flying the ship, fail at negotiating with Sarris again, and practically destroy the ship in the process of escaping from Sarris.
At this point there’s really no point in describing the story since you probably know what it is already. We partake in more comic hijinks with “comic” in heavy quotation marks as neither the writing, acting, nor editing can properly support it until the inevitable reveal that the characters are not really space heroes but are in fact actors. Mathesar’s heart is broken according to the script, and the actors are slated to be executed by throwing them out into space. They miraculously escape because the same aliens who nearly killed them in their previous encounter suddenly turned into idiots as they all go to save the Thermians from being killed.
Here is when we get to what’s, in my opinion, the best scene in the movie. After Alexander and one of the Thermians named Quellek (played by Peter Breen) rescue the rest of the trapped Thermians, Quellek is fatally shot by one of Sarris’ men. Alexander has a brief moment before Quellek’s death in which Quellek explains to him how despite never meeting him, he always considered Alexander’s character Dr. Lazarus to be his kind of spiritual father and always had a deeply rooted respect for him. I of course don’t care at all whether these characters live or die, but what I like about this scene is how it highlights the power of art to me. It shows how a piece of media stops being just a piece of media and instead becomes more. We spend so much time with the people that we see on screen that we believe them to be real, we want them to be real, and they can inspire us in very unique ways. That’s what I like about this scene, and of course since this movie is allergic to good, this scene only lasts about a minute and a half.
Of course after this takes place the crew of the NSEA Protector are able to overcome the might of Sarris’ army and make their way back to Earth in one piece minus the stage of the convention center they’re performing at which they promptly crash into with their ship. Everyone manages to make it out okay, Sarris is killed, the cast does a curtain call to an audience of screaming fans, each of the actors are recast in a brand new Galaxy Quest series, and I question my life choices.
I’ve never been this negative for this long, so while this might seem ludicrous, I want to focus on what’s done well in this movie. Don’t worry, I’ll be brief. At the end of the day I think the idea behind this movie has the potential to work, especially considering that it has talented people working on it, but they’re just given practically nothing to work with. Outside of a few patches of good in the movie including a small fraction of the effects which actually had effort put into them and of course that one scene I mentioned before involving the nature of media’s power everything just feels so soulless.
To me, it’s not funny, it’s not engaging, it’s not well-made, it’s just wrong in so many ways. After watching it as many times as I have this week for the sake of this review, it just gets more painful whereas what a good movie is supposed to do is only get better the more times you see it. But, these are just my thoughts. I don’t mean to say these things as if my word on a movie is law, in fact as I was looking into details about this movie for this review I came across many people online proclaiming this movie to be a sci-fi classic and uproariously funny. What I’m saying is that differing opinions on movies are normal and shouldn’t be taken to heart. In case anyone reading right now is a big fan of this film and made it this far into the review, I want to thank you for considering my opinion. My main purpose for starting this review blog wasn’t just to have a platform to talk about movies myself, but also open up the floor for discussion among all of you movie fans as well. So in the end, what are your thoughts? Have you seen this movie, have you not seen it? If you have, did you like it, did you not like it? What works and what doesn’t work for you? By all means hit me up on my contact page of this website and maybe one day I’ll figure out how to get friggin’ comments to work on this website so there can truly be a huge group chat between all of us movie lovers!
I really would love to hear from you all. ;)
Also, If I were to give this film my own personal rating, I’d say it scores 1/5 Tribbles. Bonus points if you get that reference.
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am but a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Everything’s Gonna Be Okay
Ain’t life weird and unpredictable? Quirky family moments and formative teenage memories await in Everything’s Gonna Be Okay.
Today is a momentous day since this will be my very first TV show that I’ve covered on this blog! I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling especially excited to dive into this one, and I apologize in advance for any format issues or incoherency that may appear in this review. Being my first TV show review, I’m still feeling out what works best in terms of what to focus on and how to arrange my thoughts for a different style. Of course I’ll do whatever I can to make sure this review is easy to read, but it’s still probable that mistakes will occur.
With that out of the way, Everything’s Gonna Be Okay! A show with a title that would make you swear that it was a meditation series. After a long watch session (one that I had to extend the deadline for posting this review to begin with), I’d say I liked this show fine. I can’t say anything in this show is especially groundbreaking in terms of visuals, characters, or story, but it did happen to break records in terms of representation. To be perfectly candid like Rosa Diaz, you just can’t have a conversation about this show without mentioning this subject because it’s the first show ever to put a major spotlight on characters with autism and have each of the actors portraying those characters be autistic as well. You’d think this wouldn’t be an especially difficult record to break, but it’s taken the human race until the year 2020 to do it so take that as you will.
Outside of that, the show mainly focuses on the relatability of its characters and situations, as well as creating an environment which is realistic and believable. For being labeled a comedy show, it doesn’t have very many laugh-out-loud (or lol if you’re a Gen-Z’er) moments and I didn’t find myself laughing very hard for the majority of its episodes if at all honestly. Since the realism of the show can take over a lot of the time, the tone seems to juggle back and forth to the point where you can’t seem to tell if they’re going for a funny moment, a tender moment, an uncomfortable moment, or a sad moment. Maybe that’s just because I’m on the autism spectrum as well and am having a hard time reading the social cues that this show is giving off while I watch it.
This may also have something to do with the show’s editing. To some people that may seem like an odd thing to criticize, but I genuinely believe that most of the problems in this show are in its editing. All of the elements to make this show funny are present in what I can see on screen, but they just aren’t utilized in a way that’s satisfying. Sometimes they can hold on a scene for too long diluting the humor in it to the point where it becomes awkward, they can cut abruptly to another scene before properly finishing a joke, or they don’t even show a scene in its entirety where they’ll cut to it in the middle of the action so we don’t even see the setup for the situation we’re watching and still cut away from it too early so we end up questioning why the scene was even included to begin with.
In terms of comedy I can’t help but feel like this show is significantly held back by its tonal shifts and editing issues, but it does still portray its characters in a way that makes you believe they’re real and relate to them in a meaningful way. Much of this show’s charm is based off of the characters themselves and how they interact off of each other like a real dysfunctional unit and the acting/writing fully supports that. When I see them talk to each other I can’t help but feel like I’m not really watching a show, but instead looking through a window into someone’s life.
With all that being said, I think I’ve done enough introduction, let’s actually drop our father’s casket and get into it for real. This is Everything’s Gonna Be Okay!
The basic premise of the show is that it follows a family of three where the older half-brother Nicholas (played by Josh Thomas) gains custody of his two younger half-sisters Matilda and Genevieve (played by Kayla Cromer and Maeve Press) after the death of their father due to cancer in the first episode. That’s essentially it. What follows couldn’t be any more of a ‘slice-of-life’ type of show which shows the trios’ exploits trying to figure out what it means to be a family when none of them know what they’re doing.
While there isn’t much of a continuing story, there are at least some elements in the show that remind you of the passage of time. For one, Nicholas has a boyfriend named Alex (played by Adam Faison) who sticks with him throughout the entirety of the show. There are moments when their relationship is called into question, even a moment when they split up due to miscommunication and perceived heartlessness on the part of Nicholas, but I always felt invested in their relationship. It feels especially genuine and their characters are written and acted so believably that I do want them to work out in the end.
If I did have one gripe about the characters, I really feel like Nicholas can be annoying. Like headache-inducing annoying. Both he and Alex can be cute together when they’re laid back, cuddling, and enjoying each other’s company, but more often than not when there is an issue in their relationship it’s due to Nicholas completely screwing up some basic aspect of human interaction that makes him look stupid and even cruel. I know by the end of the show he ends up getting diagnosed with autism, but it doesn’t make any of those previous moments earlier in the show easier to watch for me, even as an autistic person myself. There’s even a moment where in order to properly apologize to Alex for something Nicholas did earlier, Alex ends up Googling the steps for crafting a sincere apology for Nicholas to follow and he still doesn’t do it correctly. To me it comes across less quirky or comedic and instead more frustrating that he can’t follow simple instructions.
Although, I think I might be picking on Nicholas a bit too much, because yes while those things do irritate me, it does speak to how much these characters are written like real people. That’s the thing about real people is that they’re not always going to do what you want them to do, and often times they can surprise you, either for better or for worse. Nicholas is written as spontaneous doing the first thing that comes into his mind without question or rational thought, and rarely, if ever, do you know what he’s thinking. While some things he does can be very humorous setups, sometimes we aren’t even given those moments to laugh at.
For example, in one moment Alex and Nicholas go on a couples trip to Mexico and upon ordering room service Nicholas gets the bright idea to pour seafood on top of Alex’s head while they’re in the bathtub. Honestly that sounds like a pretty funny setup on paper, but in the show we don’t even get to see it. All that we get is the argument between the two of them that takes place afterwards which goes on for a solid 2 minutes. While that may not seem like that long, when it’s just non-stop bickering and an unpleasant angry couple it really drives me up the wall. I would’ve loved to laugh at that premise if I had gotten a chance to see it, but instead they decided to focus on every argument my parents ever had as a kid. Please just let me laugh at you show!
Okay, getting back on track. I hadn’t thought that I would’ve gotten that emotional over something like that, but I think it does go back to the classification of the show itself. Everywhere I checked people list this show as a comedy, but I personally don’t think that kind of category works well for it. I don’t think the show exaggerates enough situations or plays up the absurdity of life enough for it to be considered a comedy. Given what I said before, I think the show does work better as an off-beat slice-of-life. Every episode just feels like people in their natural habitat, and also people I would like to get to know better (except Nicholas). I would probably be more forgiving of these kinds of decisions which prioritize realism over comedy if the show was more up-front about what it was at its core, but instead I feel forced to judge it based on comedic criteria.
If I were to focus on what the show is though as opposed to what it’s trying to be, it succeeds pretty well at it. This also reminds me I haven’t discussed any of the other major players in the show, the two sisters Matilda and Genevieve. Matilda is the older sister who is also autistic which they do not shy away from on the show at all. In fact, I may even go so far as to say that’s the majority of her character. If this show were to be released in any year earlier than 2018, I think this likely would’ve been a major problem, but they handle it in a way that’s believable and even relatable. That last part may just be the fact that I’m autistic myself, but I digress. This may also be because Kayla Cromer, Matilda’s actress, is autistic along with all of the other actors playing autistic characters in the show whom appear in Matilda’s special needs class. Each of them bring something new and charming to the show which makes them seem all the more real truly showcasing the spectrum that autism is including Matilda’s girlfriend Drea (played by Lillian Carrier) whom she ends up marrying by the end. When she’s 18. That still weirds me out to say. *insert image of me tugging at shirt collar uncomfortably*
Second is Genevieve who is probably one of the most grounded characters in the show outside of Alex and throws a healthy dose of sarcasm into the mix. She’s smart, interesting, embarrassingly weak when physically assaulting people, and rarely seen without her friends Tellulah and Barb (played by Ivy Wolk and Lori Mae Hernandez). Genevieve also had a third friend at the beginning of the show who disappears by the second episode and is never brought up again. We never even get to learn her name and it still confuses me why she was even there to begin with, but it is what it is. They hang out, have girl talk (like what their buttholes look like), catfish Barb’s mom, partake in unknown prescription medication, it’s a grand ol’ time. Upon closer inspection as well, while there are more comedic setups explored amongst the other characters in the show, there are more comedic payoffs with Genevieve and her friend group. Even then, those payoffs can be partial or weak. The show even mentions some of those previous moments in a more blasé attitude than I did when I wrote them just now.
Beyond all of that though, the show is very good at getting the viewer invested in the lives of the people on screen. While I can’t say that I laughed at every joke I heard, in fact I rarely did that, I did at least find myself caring what happens to these people. Matilda badly wants to get into Juilliard to become a composer and I felt myself biting my nails over whether she’d get in or not. After that, I was not only relieved that she did, but that when accounting for her autism, she may not be able to attend since the show takes place in California and Juilliard is in New York City of course, so they acknowledge she still may not be able to go since they don’t know if she’d be able to handle herself in a big city. Ultimately she decides she can’t do it and I was legit bummed to see she wouldn’t be going to her dream school. There’re a lot of moments like this as well, such as the death of their father in the first episode that really makes you empathize with the characters and how Nicholas, Matilda, and Genevieve learn to live together. To reiterate, while Nicholas can be frustrating, I do still want him and Alex to be together since they have great chemistry and I like seeing them in each other’s arms. Genevieve also has a couple relationships she explores throughout the show which are almost criminally relatable. Matilda gets rejected by a boy she likes early on in the show because he doesn’t want to date an autistic person. All of these things really make everything feel real which is one of the best strengths of any piece of media like this.
I do have to admit that even the slice-of-life feel can be a bit much sometimes. Mainly in regards to the ending. The fact is that once the show gets to its final episode, Matilda and her new girlfriend Drea get married (again 18, ew!), Alex has split up with Nicholas but wants to get back together after learning about his diagnosis, Drea’s parents are being weird at the reception…and it just stops. Yeah, it doesn’t so much end rather then…stop. The final end credits scene off the show is just Nicholas and Genevieve brushing their teeth together. That’s it. In the end it kinda leaves you empty, knowing that there will probably be more things to do after this, but the creators aren’t going to show it. While it does feel more authentic to real life, it would’ve been nice to have at least some kind of epilogue or resolution as opposed to just…stopping. Either way, that’s all I have for this show, and to be real, despite the problems I have with it I do still recommend it.
While it’s definitely not as funny as I would’ve hoped, it does still deliver on a family show that is interesting and detailed in its relationships. Also when I say family show I don’t mean this show is for families to watch, there is way too much sex in this for that to be the case. What I mean is as a show centered around a family working out their differences and learning from each other to become better people, it does still do that.
Nicholas is still my least favorite character of the bunch, but even I can’t deny that he does go through some growth by the end of the show which does make him at least somewhat more tolerable. To me this shows that the creators of this show do still want the focus to be on the emotional heart of these characters and their struggles which is more than I could’ve asked for in an alleged comedy show. After all, in my opinion if there’s anything this comedy show is lacking in it’s the comedy, but if you would still like to take a journey with unconventional characters that leaves you emotionally supported, I’d say this is a good show to check out. Overall, if I were to rate it on comedy criteria I’d give it a 2.5/5 West African Cockroaches, but on what the show is and what it ultimately accomplishes, I’ll give it a 3.5/5 West African Cockroaches. By the way Nicholas is an entomologist. I merely reported on this because the show merely reported on this.
Also, of course I wouldn’t show you a picture of a West African Cockroach, I care about you.
Thank you so much to commenter MoppaOppa for suggesting this show!
If you have any other movie or show suggestions for me, feel free to send me an email on my contact page. Thank you for reading!
(I make no claim of ownership for the image used in this post)
(It’s owned entirely by its respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies and shows, I do not make them)
(Yet)
Cast Away
Uh-oh, the plane’s going down! Grab your life-vests, and volleyballs, and let’s take a look at Tom Hanks’ Cast Away.
Unlike the movie I reviewed last week, I don’t have as much of a personal attachment to Cast Away. Truthfully the only reason I chose it was because I needed something to review for this week, although once I rewatched it I feel like there is a lot more to talk about than I originally gave this film credit for.
I personally think it manages to capture the essence of survival well with an actor that is universally beloved which makes you want to see him make it out of his situation okay. Much like Forrest Gump this is very much Tom Hanks’ movie and it’s his acting chops and likable personality that elevate this movie to the level that it’s at. This movie probably wouldn’t have been nearly as successful without the proper leading man and Tom Hanks does bring a lot to this film just with his natural charisma as well.
Taking Tom Hanks out of the picture though, there are still other aspects most viewers can appreciate such as its clever use of visual storytelling, heartfelt/emotional moments, and pretty solid writing that add to the experience as well. Naturally we’ll be discussing it in as much detail that I decide I want to go into in this post which I think will be a lot of fun! With that being said, let me stop yapping and get right into it.
Grab your bloody volleyballs, put your tray tables in the upright and locked position and let’s dive into Cast Away!
One thing I especially appreciate about the movie is its devotion to proper pacing and dramatic structure. Of course there is one major issue I have with that which I’ll get into later, but for the most part it is very well done. This movie understands the importance of getting to know the character of Chuck Noland (played by our Lord and Savior Tom Hanks) before putting him in a life or death situation while also giving his story the proper resolution it deserves after his rescue. The amount of time the movie spends on Chuck, both in the opening and in the conclusion of the film, adds up to about 50 minutes while his time on the island adds up to about 1 hour and 20 minutes (approximately, that’s very important). While not entirely even, the movie still knows why people are watching it and delivers what we want to see while also not skimping out on the essential backstory and character development every story needs.
Some of it can be a bit glossed over for that matter though, like in the case of Chuck’s friend Stan (played by Nick Searcy) whose wife Mary is suffering from cancer at the beginning of the movie. When I rewatched this movie I had completely forgotten that this was even a plot thread in the film at all, mainly because we don’t dedicate much time to it and it seems less like a tactic to help us identify more with Stan’s character and his struggles, but instead a tactic to help us identify more with what Chuck lost as a result of his crash. Most of the opening before Chuck’s crash works this way by setting up how successful he is at his job at FedEx, his relationship with his girlfriend Kelly Frears (played by Helen Hunt), his aforementioned friendship with Stan, his Christmas celebration with his family and friends, and his appreciation for Elvis music.
Quick thought, since Chuck works for FedEx in this movie, the FedEx logo is seen a lot throughout the entire film. On the sides of planes, on boxes that wash up on the shore of Chuck’s island, on napkins, on the sides of FedEx trucks, it’s really everywhere. It really makes me wonder if this movie had a positive impact on FedEx’s business considering their logo was witness to a plane crash that killed 4 people…
Speaking of the plane crash, it is perfectly chaotic and disorienting as it should be. From the crazy camera work, the sudden explosion which catches every viewer off guard the first time they see it, and the panicked performances of each of the actors involved, it all adds up to a crazy and heart-stopping scene which will definitely put you off of flying for a while. It even continues this energy as Chuck is sitting in his life raft beneath the raging storm until he eventually arrives at his island getaway for the next four years. Yeah, that’s how long he stays on that island. Don’t worry, I’ll get to it, there’s just a few more things I’d like to talk about.
As a bit of a sidenote, the pain in this movie is very well crafted. Any time Chuck takes some kind of hit you feel it, it’s that convincing. You’ll probably be clenching your teeth when you see him split his leg open, cut his hand, knock out his own tooth, or lacerate his foot. I won’t give you a picture of any of those since I care about you, you’ll just have to watch the movie for yourself if you want to see them. Fair warning though if you do.
Speaking of Chuck knocking out his own tooth, it’s established in the opening of the movie that Chuck has a toothache he needs to get looked at by a dentist which ultimately doesn’t happen on account of the whole plane crash thing, so he ends up having to improvise after he finds it difficult to chew most foods while trying to survive. The reason I bring this up is that I’m not entirely sure why it’s in the movie. If the intention was to show how resourceful Chuck is by using an ice skate to remove a painful tooth, the movie clearly shows other ways he’s resourceful just by how he’s able to survive on the island in the first place. He ends up foraging coconuts, reusing them as makeshift water bottles, those same ice skates he uses as axes and cutting devices as well, the video-tapes he unwinds to use as backup lashings, and many other things. If anything, the whole tooth thing just seems unneeded compared to these other moments which show off Chuck’s will to survive much more, except to be used as a built-in transition to four years later.
Yeah, I couldn’t hold off talking about it for that much longer, the four years later time jump halfway through the movie is completely baffling to me. As far as I can tell there’s no logical reason to do this outside of making the disconnect between Chuck’s survival and Kelly’s life once he returns that much wider. The reason for this is because when Chuck is rescued we discover how Kelly has gotten married to someone else and had a child with him as well since she was forced to move on after assuming Chuck was killed in the crash. The four years later time jump only feels like a tool to allow Kelly enough time to have a kid while Chuck is missing, while the idea of her having gotten married to someone else in that time is already heartbreaking enough. He could’ve just been on the island for a year or a year and a half instead so the audience doesn’t have to feel like it’s missing crucial parts of the story that aren’t in the movie, and that still would’ve allowed Kelly enough time to mourn Chuck’s loss and move on with her life by then. If anything it just feels like manipulation from the filmmakers trying to get us to cry at the end, but sorry, I still cried more when Wilson “died”.
Okay, with my major problem out of the way, let’s discuss the character of Wilson (played by Wilson). You’re probably thinking, “What’s there to discuss, it’s a freaking inanimate object” and you would be correct, but the fact is that Wilson has a surprising amount of stage presence. Despite the fact he has no dialogue (because of the whole ‘being a volleyball’ thing) the writers were clever enough to write the scenes that center around him in a way where you could create dialogue for him in your own head. Any scene containing Wilson also includes Chuck of course, which usually involves him chatting with Wilson in some way or another, but just based on Chuck’s tone, reactions, and mannerisms it allows you to fill in the gaps yourself which also speaks to Tom Hanks’ acting ability.
Since we also spend as much time as we do developing Chuck’s connection to his white round friend, when he’s eventually forced to let him go (like I mentioned earlier), it’s legitimately heartbreaking. The scene of him drifting out into the ocean is well built up, allows Alan Silvestri’s score to properly allow us to feel Chuck’s anguish, along with Tom Hanks selling the heck out of it. It all adds up to a scene that, despite seeing it several times already, still causes me to tear up today, but maybe it’s just because I’m a baby. I love inanimate objects with cute little faces on them too much. With that being said, Wilson is freaking adorable! I wish I had a plushie of him I could snuggle up with every night. I think I am a baby.
So that was Cast Away, I’d say it still holds up very well since it first came out.
From the acting, to the execution, to the directing, to the writing, everything feels so personal, touching, and engaging to this day. Despite the over 2 hour running time, I never had a moment during the film where I felt bored or disinterested. Outside of the four years later time jump halfway through, I have virtually no problems with the film beyond some drawn out scenes, confusing edits, and minor nitpicks. I’d still recommend it to any movie fan as a compelling drama and to introduce a new concept to my blog, I would rate this movie 4 out of 5 Wilsons. Since he’s clearly the posterchild for the film besides Hanks’ star power it seemed only fitting to me.
If you’re in the mood to experience what it’s like to persevere against all odds, and cry over the loss of your favorite ball-shaped friend, crash on the couch and pop in Cast Away for your weekend movie night this week.
4/5 Wilsons
This review was a bit different, I wanted to try something new to see what would work better for this format. If you have any suggestions, or of course recommendations for future reviews, by all means drop me a line.
Thanks for reading!
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure and dive into my review of The Rocky Horror Picture Show! I mean, only if you want to, I’m not forcing you or anything…
Disclaimer: This review contains adult content
(If you know anything about this movie, this is to be expected)
Per my first commenter’s instructions, I’ve decided to accommodate their request to review this movie to kick off my blogging…“career”? Sure, that’s what I’ll call it. To start off, I want to get a little something off my chest real quick. Since I am a transgender woman myself, the content of this movie does resonate with me pretty deeply, although I may have a bit of a controversial take on this film amongst others in my community. It’s not that I hate this movie, far from it, I do really like it. Although, if I’m being honest, I don’t love it.
Before I’m brought before the Supreme Court of the Gay, allow me to explain a bit more. Essentially one of the biggest draws of this movie outside of the queer intrigue is its campiness. After all this movie is considered a cult classic for a very specific reason, especially among its fans. One of the biggest inspirations for this movie is old horror b-movies which had a tendency to be awkward, overblown, and lacking in any semblance of logic. As far as my interests are concerned, more often than not I tend to be drawn towards plot-driven tales rich in interesting characters that challenge my preconceived notions of reality (at least when I want to feel superior watching the Oscars), but it’s obvious that is not this movie’s intention, and that’s not a negative criticism for what the film wants to accomplish.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show only wants to be a send-up to those classic b-movies while giving it’s own personal musical twist on the concept through the lens of a questioning LGBTQ+ person. What really hooks me about this movie is of course its energetic musical numbers, flamboyant energy, and creative visuals. Given that, I do believe the film accomplishes that goal well, and with that being said, let’s do the Time Warp again! This is The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
We start off the movie with some luscious red lips singing about more confusing niche references than I had originally planned to put in this review and setting the tone for just how horny this movie is going to be later on. I should mention as well that while this scene is only about four and a half minutes and never appears in the film again, the image of that disembodied singing mouth has become such a cornerstone of the movie that you see it appear in practically all of the promotional materials for this movie. It truly is an unforgettable moment and a great way to start off this oddball adventure in my opinion.
This scene then fades into a shot of a wedding chapel where we’re introduced to the protagonists of this story Brad Majors (played by Barry Bostwick) and Janet Weiss (played by Susan Sarandon) exiting the chapel after their friend’s wedding. Janet catches the bouquet and Brad proposes to her soon after resulting in the first song and dance number of the movie to commemorate the moment. Once finished, an extremely weird guy named The Criminologist (played by Charles Gray) appears on screen to tell us the story of what happened to Brad and Janet the day after Brad’s proposal.
For the longest time I was never quite sure how to feel about The Criminologist because he does make several appearances throughout the story to comment on what’s happening, although he doesn’t seem to add that much to the story outside of explaining things that either already happened and/or will happen soon after. He essentially operates as a glorified transition generator to help the scenes flow a bit more naturally and the only thing he seems to offer the audience is the novelty of a supposedly well-read, intellectual, and stuck-up man enjoying party dancing, participating in songs, and commenting on the characters’ sexual exploits. I think Charles Gray plays him well and does a good job of keeping the tone consistent throughout each of his character’s appearances, but ultimately he is pretty pointless.
Brace yourselves, because it’s about to get very gay. Next we transition via Bon Jovi album cover to a scene of Brad and Janet driving down a road in the rain when they eventually reach a dead end and have to turn around. In the process of reversing, they pop one of their rear tires and have to walk to the castle they passed on the road a few miles earlier in order to use their phone and find someone that can help them fix their problem. While underneath the world’s most water resistant newspaper, Janet begins another sing-along with Brad and at the end we are introduced to another major player in the film named Riff Raff (played by the creator/songwriter Richard O’Brien) who allows them to come inside the castle to dry off. He and his sister Magenta (played by Patricia Quinn) promptly assault their guests with party dances while ignoring their pleas for a phone call.
I know I’ll be the first to say, because I’m obviously the first person to review this movie in its nearly 50 year existence, but the Time Warp scene is definitely still as energetic and fun as the first time it was shown. If you are a fan of the movie as well, you may be aware of the fact that the Time Warp wasn’t intended to be in the movie until one of the producers approached Richard O’Brien and demanded that there be a definitive dance number in the film. Surprisingly, despite being a last minute addition, it really doesn’t feel like it when you watch it because it also does come back into play at the end of the film which gives it more of an air of authenticity. Although, even if it didn’t come back into play, I’d still say it was worth it, because the Time Warp is a lot of fun and adds a lot to the zany nature of the story.
Afterwards Brad and Janet are interrupted again by the master of the house Dr. Frank N. Furter (played by Tim Curry in his first role) in his private elevator inside a medieval castle, and his audacity to wear pearls with a black cape! Scandalous! He introduces himself through easily one of the most iconic songs of the movie, Sweet Transvestite, which upon completion signals his servants Riff Raff, Magenta, and now Columbia (played by Nell Campbell) to strip off all of Brad and Janet’s close with the exception of their underwear. I refer you back to horny movie. They follow the good doctor up his private elevator into his laboratory where they witness the creation of his own personal living sex toy the Rocky Horror himself, or Rocky for short (played by Peter Hinwood).
Rocky’s a bit rowdy after being freshly created and sings a song while running around the lab to the irritation of Dr. Frank N. Furter. After talking some sense into his creation he sings a song about how sexy Rocky is until he’s interrupted by the deep freezer of the lab bursting open with a microwaveable biker inside. This biker is named Eddie (played by Meatloaf) and he immediately bursts into everyone’s least favorite song.
So far in the movie we’ve had a total of eight songs (including the introduction song sang by our favorite invisible lipstick model Science Fiction/Double Feature), and three of them were sung in just the last paragraph that I wrote. This speaks to something I especially wanted to discuss about this movie, that being the pacing. After some of its most iconic, hummable, and danceable tunes, its pacing really starts to degrade and the movie becomes more incoherent as a result. Especially in the case of the sudden appearance of Eddie and his song, this is where you really start to ask yourself “Uh, what am I watching?” if you weren’t already caught off guard by the appearance of Tim Curry in heels, fishnets, a corset, and full makeup.
This makes it seem like the filmmakers are making it up as they go because as abruptly as Eddie enters the movie, he exits by Dr. Frank N. Furter killing him with an ice pick. It really makes the previous scene seem so much more pointless, but at least Dr. Frank N. Furter gets to finish his lusty song about Rocky in the end and holds a pretend marriage for the two of them before swiftly consummating it. I refer you back to horny movie. Don’t worry though, to make that Eddie moment seem less pointless they will bring him back into play later on despite him being dead. It’ll make about as much sense as the rest of this movie.
Brad and Janet are then whisked away to separate rooms. Janet’s is red while Brad’s is blue even though both rooms are exactly the same layout-wise. Dr. Frank N. Furter then decides he’s not fully spent and goes to sexually confuse both Janet and Brad respectfully while Riff Raff and Magenta take advantage of Rocky being alone and decide to shoo him away with a lit candlestick and release guard dogs to chase him around the castle. While halfway through the process of giving Brad a wicked BJ, Riff Raff summons Furter to inform him of Rocky’s escape which he doesn’t take well. In the meantime, Janet’s head is still spinning from that crazy encounter with Dr. Frank N. Furter, and in the process finds a shivering Rocky under a sheet in the same tank he was created in. The dogs that were chasing him will never be mentioned or seen again. Janet mends Rocky’s wounds before suddenly deciding she’s attracted to Rocky and they have sex while Janet sings about it, which is surprisingly not the horniest song in the movie. I refer you back to horny movie.
Meanwhile, Dr. Frank N. Furter takes Riff Raff and Brad back up to the lab and takes out his aggression on his ‘faithful’ handyman for allowing Rocky to escape. They then take notice that a certain someone has decided to drop by, that being Dr. Everett Scott (played by Jonathan Adams) whom they scientifically magnetize in front of them (I don’t know/don’t care). He reveals that he’s there to inquire about Eddie for he’s actually Dr. Scott’s nephew. Big reveal! Still doesn’t make that one scene any less pointless, but wait! Dun-dun-dun! Rocky had sex with Janet! Oh right, they were literally fornicating in the lab right next to Dr. Frank N. Furter, Brad, Dr. Scott, and Riff Raff. The movie considers this a huge reveal because they do the classic name calling gag for an uncomfortably long amount of time, but since this movie was inspired by b-movies I’ll let it slide. Personal revenge lists are crafted in our characters’ heads when Magenta announces it’s dinner time.
It’s around this point that even if you’re a casual viewer you may start to notice yourself feeling a bit bored. I know I do right about here, because one thing I noticed is that when there aren’t any songs playing, this movie is a bit hard to watch. Mostly because when forced to focus on the nonsensical story, it often just makes your brain hurt more than anything else. At least it was more fun to watch when you had an excuse to wiggle your butt in the cinema while munching on popcorn and mouthing lyrics, but now it feels like you actually have to make sense of what the heck a sonic oscillator is which clearly the writers didn’t know what that was when they wrote it either.
However, if you did manage to get through the boredom, over dinner they endure some drawn out silences that are also pretty boring to watch before Dr. Scott interjects with his Eddie problem. You better believe that’s cause for another song! In my opinion this is one of the more underrated songs in the movie, literally called Eddie. I always find myself tapping my foot at this one and getting back into that Rocky Horror mood whenever it plays, especially after that long stretch of boredom.
But wait, Dr. Frank N. Furter reveals that Eddie’s corpse is being kept under the tablecloth! It’s in a surprisingly late stage of decomposition considering how he hasn’t been dead that long, and our favorite transvestite mad scientist chases Janet back up to the lab while manhandling her whenever he can and Brad and Dr. Scott follow close behind. When they arrive at the lab, Dr. Frank N. Furter freezes all of them to the floor using more science babble and then turns all of them to stone (including Janet, Brad, Dr. Scott, Columbia, and Rocky) which also leaves them completely naked except for Dr. Scott who’s given a blanket. I refer you back to horny movie.
Later Dr. Frank N. Furter has dressed each of his statues up similarly to himself and then unfreezes them so they can put on a song and dance number. While each of the mini Furters do well with their singing parts, I would like to personally point out Brad who I think perfectly encapsulates the confusion and euphoria associated with a baby LGBTQ+ person who’s just discovered themselves. Also during this sequence we see the appearance of a personal pool for the good doctor in front of a cardboard radio tower backdrop which he jumps into after singing about queer problems. Normally I wouldn’t bother mentioning this, but it’s shot from a birds-eye view where we can see the bottom is decorated with Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam while Dr. Frank N. Furter himself floats in an S.S. Titanic life-preserver and sings ‘Don’t dream it, be it.’ I think that scene speaks for itself.
Not long after, Riff Raff and Magenta burst into the room proclaiming they’re heading back to their home planet. Dr. Frank N. Furter mistakenly believes they intend to take him with them which causes him to sing another song and also is pretty pointless. It’s a slow and emotional song which, just to be real, it seems like an excuse to try to get the audience to empathize with him before what’s about to happen, but I think it just drags things out longer than they need to be. Also, for a song that is surprisingly not a last minute addition, it feels more like a last minute addition than the actual last minute addition of Time Warp.
Of course Riff Raff tells him the truth afterwards that he intends to kill him and leave with his sister. Before he can do the deed, Columbia screams for some reason causing Riff Raff to shoot her with his laser and kill her. Next is Dr. Frank N. Furter who tries to escape by climbing the curtain at the back of the stage (dumb plan) which obviously results in him being shot by Riff Raff’s laser and dying. Rocky becomes so distraught he picks up his creator’s corpse and climbs the false radio tower at the back of the stage despite being shot several times by Riff Raff’s laser. While the laser doesn’t seem to have any effect, what finally does Rocky in is the tower toppling over into the pool directly in front of it and drowning.
Riff Raff and Magenta shoo Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott away while they make more uncomfortable incestuous comments at each other and convert the castle into a spaceship which they use to Time Warp their way back to their home planet of Transsexual in the galaxy Transylvania. As a trans person I feel seen. The three that are left behind are left disheveled and disoriented on the ground without a satanic mechanic to save them while The Criminologist wraps up the story with a short speech and a light-up globe before closing the door on this ridiculous tale.
At the end of the day, I do still agree with what I said at the beginning of this post, that being I do really like this movie. When it is being a completely insane but enjoyable carnival of music and dance I can’t help but enjoy it, although I have come to notice more of its flaws the more times I’ve seen it. Although, when it comes to any movie you like, I believe that is a common side effect, but I think that if you’ve come this far in this post, you’ve probably accepted that already like I have. I do still recommend it despite its flaws and hopefully you’ll also be able to decide if this is the kind of story you would enjoy as well.
If you’re still looking for a movie this week for your weekend movie night, feel free to grab some snacks, pop this film in, turn out the lights, make sure your parents aren’t home, and enjoy a science fiction double feature on me.
Thank you very much to commenter MaimieRaykelley who suggested this film to me!
(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)
(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders which are not me)
(I am just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)
(Yet)